Because really - I needed cameras with me yesterday. Sweet Jesus wearing a peace sign - this house...straight out of the 1974 guide to home decorating. I needed my Maxwell Smart secret squirrel camera pen, or a broach recording video footage or something. You all simply would NOT believe it. She is holding open houses for her products in September, October and November. I am accepting applications for the volunteers to go with me to one of these events to validate what I am about to describe.
First - ding for me on the foyer being ceramic. What I didn't anticipate was the floral wallpaper. I should have seen it coming. The house is a 1960-something design with HUGE windows in the front. Yellow brick - and the doors are...wait for it...turquoise. The wallpaper in the foyer almost tries to eat you when you walk in, the flowers are that.big. When you walk in you can either go through another set of doors or go down some L shaped stairs to the right. These stairs have the old school wrough-iron handrail - you know what I'm talking about. When you get downstairs - there's like this sitting room. It's HUGE...with bookcases and knick-knacks everywhere. A whole dresser/table with beer steins on it. ??? Then she took me into another room.
Holy mother....I wasn't sure if I was trying skin care products or shooting porn. Red carpet. Red velvet bench seats. Pool table. Bar with this strange circa 1972 globe lighting system. And in the corner? A Christmas tree of lanterns with poinsettia wraparounds. Products were lined up on the bench seats and at the end? A yooooooge raggedy-ann doll. I mean almost life-size. But WAIT, If forgot my FAVORITE part. as you walk into this "rec" room...the wall was lined with one of those knee-high planters with ginormous fake rubber plants in it. An the planter itself was supposed to look like it was made from sawed off trees. Seriously. I want to draw you a picture. And there were products EVERYWHERE. On every surface. The bench seating, the pool table, the bar...lined up like this was a store and not a "rec" room.
When we start she tells me that she had her "assistant" set everything up today, and she didn't get out everything she needed, so she's dashing to this other back part of the basement to grab stuff every now and again. This woman had a whole room of products. I got the impression she's been doing this awhile. She has an ASSISTANT? Whodawa?
We started with skin care, and despite my best efforts - I really liked the stuff. I've got samples of the hydrator and the microderm abrasion skin scrub or whatever the shit is actually called - it was really great.
But "glamour"? Not-so-much. First - I suck at glamour...make-up...or anything that resembles it. So if you hand me a sampler of 3 eyeshadows, despite the color-by-numbers pics that come with it, I will screw it up. The eye color was fine, except for the sage eyeliner (I just can't do it) - but the lip color that came with the set? Seriously...CORAL. More like a coral/fuschia...and when she opens it declares "that color will look great on you." You're fucking kidding me, right? Have you seen my skin tone? Eye color? Hair color? Lady, I don't know diddly squat shit and I know that that color is hideous on ANYONE...especially ME. But I put it on, you know why? Because I could. And I wanted someone to see it. Alex was no help. I asked him if I looked weird and he said no. I said 'not even my lipstick looks weird??' and he just shook his head and said 'I'm not good at noticing that sort of stuff.'
But when Kevin got home from football I TOTALLY got the reaction I was looking for. "What in the HELL happened to YOU??" I just laughed. "What is up with that lipstick?? I can't even hardly talk to you - you have to take that off."
I left there purchasing concealer (it's got MAGIC in the bottle that took 5 years off me at LEAST) and mascara. I will probably buy the hydrator and the microderm stuff. My face feels good today and let's face it, I'm not getting any younger.
The conversation was strained at best - talk about the kids...she's a CP native, went to Trinity herself...she "would love the opportunity to come to my house and do a 'show' for my friends." If I thought you all wouldn't show up with pitchforks and torches to kill me I would totally do it.
Mostly I was proud of myself. I didn't buy too much. I didn't buy any skin care stuff until I used it for awhile. Be proud of me. But I am going to one of those open houses, with or without you. And I'm taking my camera.
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6 comments:
#1 I cannot belive no one else has posted
#2 I am so totally in on visiting this ladies open house WITH YOU
#3 Perhaps I could be the assistants assistant?
#4 Coral Lipstick????? Your skin tone most definatly dictates a moca, see? I can do this
Pea - it's almost a requirement that you AND Tigger come with me. Bets hollered at me because I don't have a camera phone. I never thought I needed one. Clearly I was wrong.
Reba I feel for you. I went to a stupid MK party about 3years + ago and what a scary sight. I to got handed on of those damn paint by numbers eye shadow kits. I looked like either a clown or a whore. I was just starting to date my husband at the time and knew I had to wash it off or he might have thought I just got off the cornor.
They do have good hand products.
My mom had some face mask from MK when I was a kid and she let me put it on, it burned like you would not believe, I think it was an early version of face peel, I hope that MK has improved over the years
I still think Kevin's reaction was great! i've read it like 5 times since yesterday and it cracks me up every time!
He brought up the lipstick again last night...it really traumatized him.
Skin care products seem to be great. They really are scent-free, which is very important to me. Others say they are, but it's their version of scent-free, which means to me they smell like ass.
So far I like the hydrator. I'm going to try the night time moisturizer tonight. I have samples. :)
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