Think good thoughts...

Avid blog reader and my beloved Aunt Carol is in Pittsburgh today recovering from surgery. She is the Janet's sister and I love her like she's my mom.

Please send good thoughts to the East that she'll be back and reading along with us soon...

It's an interesting question...

I'm not sure how Julie and I got on the subject of our children swearing ...oh wait...now I remember...to tell you that story, I have to tell you this one.

Sunday night erupted into family game night. Owen was desperately wanting to play spoons, and play we did. Kevin and Alex didn't know how to play. What kind of childhood did they have? Oh wait...Alex is still in his childhood and wait a second...I'M his mother. What kind of mother am I that my 14-year-old has never played spoons. Hmmm...I should have a talk with myself about that.

After several games - we switched up to Uno. I still love Uno. It's easy, it's fun...and there's nothing more satisfying for a 9-year-old boy than telling his dad to Draw 4. It's quite empowering. So empowering, in fact, that Owen felt the need to ask us for the upteenth millionth time if he could say the word "crap." My husband has been very clear on this - no. NO. Yes - we talk like truck drivers, both of us, but the boys do not. Do not, will not, have not, to my knowledge. Well, there was that one incident with Al getting halfway to the barn, realized he forgot the keys, stopped, muttered "shit" and turned around. I just so happened to be standing in the living room and the windows were open. I stuck my head out and said "What was that you said there Alex?" - Blank stare - fearful expression - I've never heard it out of his mouth again.

So now we're playing Uno and discussing whether or not Owen can say crap. He currently says crud. A lot. But he did get in trouble in school the other day for saying "what the freak?" when a girl moved his chair out from under him. Whoops. So we finally agree that Owen can now, at long last, say the word crap. Which he does. All night long. In fact, we all sat around using sentences that could involve that word ... "don't change colors or I'll kick the _______ out of you." And we'd leave the blank and let Owen fill in the word...which he did - quite happily. It was very funny.

Then we moved on to "Pit" - no one had ever played this before. I just bought it at Navy Pier and was dying to play. Owen had decided that instead of trying to win, he was just going to try to keep us from winning. And by "us" I mean "Kevin." That made it even funnier. But here's the best part. The hand ends...Alex had won...and Owen looks up sheepishly at Kevin
"You were trying for Oranges, weren't you."
"YES!!" Kevin screams...did you have the one I needed??"
"Heh-heh - yeah - I kept it over here and didn't trade it, just to see if I could screw you."

Ummmm, what? Whodawa? Okay, so we just had to have a 30 minute conversation about whether or not he can say CRAP and now he's talking about screwing someone out of their card. It was brilliant. I don't think I've laughed that hard in awhile. So we removed the word "screw" from his vocabulary - and he promptly replaced it with "crap" - "I'm going to try and crap dad out of winning" - "I totally crapped you Alex!"

He was satisified until I let Alex use the word jack ass when telling a story. Yes, he asked first.

So back to the original story...Julie is perplexed. I talk like a truck driver, and yet - my kids never have. Never. Ever. I've never had that embarrassing F-bomb dropped in pre-school. Never had them call someone an inappropriate name in Sunday school. Why is that? Because Jul feels like she's really nipped her potty mouth in the bud - and yet Hayden drops the G-D word when he can't get his snowman built the way he wants to. Hilarious.

I wasn't THAT upset...

No...my feelings are THAT hurt...that's not the reason I wasn't blogging. Home with a sick Owen on Tuesday, home in the morning with him on Weds - and then actually busy as a bee here...I did some super-cool geek stuff that I won't bore you with (no need to thank me).

So....what to blog about today?

First - dinner at Ditka's was yummy, or if I'm channeling Rachel Ray, yummo. Apps were good, wine list is good, steak was great, dessert was huge (we shared) - company was good...the check was large. Just the way I like it.

The play/musical was good. My Kevin didn't really like it, but I think K-2 and his wife did. After that we stumbled into Cru...a fantastic little wine bar. We picked up a flight of chardonnay and found a couple that we really like. Actually, I liked all 3. I know this is shocking. Had I not been completely stuffed from dinner, I would have tried one of their cheese flights...oh who am I kidding. I wasn't too full! I just didn't want to be the only one EATING. HA! Truth is, I could have still eaten half their menu! Seriously, check them out, there's good stuff there. It's CHEESE for the love...what's not to like?

Okay so everything up there - that was from yesterday. I didn't get to finish my thought because WORK got in the way. I'm starting a new one for today...which you've probably already read and are very confused by me saying this...

I haven't been THIS upset in awhile...

Okay - I'm EXTREMELY upset right now. But let me take time away from my anger embarrassment and fear to talk about this:

It's a Bears/Colts superbowl, baby!! WOW!! People around here have been talking about the possibility of this happening all season - but I didn't think it was REALLY going to happen! So glad we made the decision to hang out with the Julie&Chris&Hayden yesterday for the games. Much more fun when you've got someone to cheer with/groan with/commit an ungodly number of high-fives with/drink with/pop champagne with....yeah, we did all of that. Including the painful high-fives with The Jimmer. That boy can slap some serious palm and that's AFTER burning off his first layer of skin trying to move a hot-hot-hot crock pot full of buffalo chicken dip. Lots of H-man singing "Go Bears, Chicago Bears" - his own adorable version of the fight song. Awesome.

The Colts game nearly broke my heart - halftime was looking pretty bleak. I couldn't even call my girlfriend in NH - I couldn't listen to the gloating. She' s a former Chicagoan turned Pats fan by the hypnotic movement of Tom Brady's ass. That is one powerful ass. So in the end, when I called her after the game ending interception, all she had to say was "Go Bears."

So now that we've got that sports shit out of the way, we have to talk about THIS. This is so embarrassing, so hurtful, I almost can't discuss it. Now I know that I have a deep voice for a girl - kind of dude like - and I'm tall - and I have a "geek" job in a man's world...I get it...GET IT. But this website...this hideous, horrible website...according to facial recognition software...says I look like a dude. a MAN...an Israeli biologist to be exact is my number one celebrity look alike.

Ummm...did you fucking hear me? I look like a 70 year-old man. How's that for a way to start your Monday?? Good morning Rebecca, hey - you look like SHIT today, so much so that you don't even look like a woman. Never mind the 34DD boobs and all that junk in your trunk...

Seriously? Seriously...and the women I DO look like? Rosanna Arquette...and Gro Harlem Brundtland, former prime minister to Norway and someone who looks like she could play on the local college Rugby team...for the MEN...and kick ass. So the women that I do resemble according to facial recognition software all look like MEN or just look horrible. Down the list...Diane Keaton. And not the young, sassy Annie Hall Diane Keaton - the right now, doing age-defying make-up commercials Diane Keaton. So basically, I'm 35 and I resemble all things 60+. No offense to my readers who ARE 60+, love you ALL like I would marry you...but at 35, feeling like I looked okay, this is a blow to the old ego. Apparently I look like the crypt-keeper.

OMG - I just tried another photo - this time, number one hit...Sharon Stone. Great - she's only 15 years OLDER than I am. Well that's just great...just GREAT I say...I need some botox...NOW.

Seriously? Seriously....

So, against my better judgment, Kev-head and the kids and I went to see "Rocky Balboa" the other night. Now I know what you're thinking...Rebecca went to the movies when she's supposed to be cooking dinners and spending more time at home?? Oh, that's not what you were thinking? You were thinking Rocky? Who is spending money to see Rocky??? Well, if you were thinking the first question - this was not my idea. The Kev-head is feeling a little cagey and needed to get out. And I still made dinner at home. It was later than usual, but I did it!! Hooray for me! (I have to celebrate the little things.)

As for the second question, yes - we voluntarily went to see a 60-year-old man climb into the ring against a much younger opponent. Insert all of your favorite geritol jokes here - we did. Alex and I were joking on the way to the show about Rocky trying to run up the stairs with a walker - or beating people in the ring with his cane. We said it all. But I'd heard it was good.

And for once, the critics were right. I loved the Rocky character in Rocky I, II and III (IV was kind of over the top for me and let's not even talk about V) - he was naive, and sweet, and you really wanted him to win. And the same goes in this one kids. It's a good movie - the kids wanted to light themselves on fire - a lot of buildup, not a lot of fighting, not like the other films. But the payoff is worth the wait. Alex said he liked it, Owen, notsomuch. He liked the fighting, though. Sly did everything justice...in fact, if he never did anything ever again, this is how I would want to remember him. With this I can forgive him for "Rhinestone" "Stop or my mom will shoot" and "Judge Dredd" - maybe even "Over the Top".

Laugh at me all you want - I'm riding the Rocky train into the sunset, babies...Kev-head was totally pumped up after seeing it. He answered the phone "Yo, Rebecca" for the next couple of days.

I've always been a huge Rocky fan - and this was a great way to end it. You should go see it - I promise...PROMISE you won't be disappointed.

I'm old and other obvious statements...

This past weekend Alex had to rise and shine early on Saturday morning to go take...his placement exam for high school. HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL. Are you all feeling me here? Do you realize that my son - my baby will be interviewing and then scheduling his classes for his freshman year in high school just 3 weeks from now??? Are you kidding me? Where did the time go? I mean, was it so long ago that I was scheduling my classes for my freshman year of high school??? Okay, yeah, it was...but whatever. He's a bright kid - I wasn't too worried about the exam. He was cool as a cucumber.

His mother, on the other hand, is a notorious test choker - yeah, that's right...I said it. I choke. I know stuff going in, I don't know anything when they say "begin". It's horrible. It's a horrible feeling. I actually almost cried during my RedHat exam - it was pitiful. And I've only been working with RedHat for 5+ years...it's not like it's new to me or anything...and then I took 5 days of class...well...actually 4. My husband sort of interrupted my training with kidney stones...but nevertheless - I should have aced this thing. But I didn't. Grrrrrr.

When he came out of the test I asked him how he felt he did - he said that out of 298 questions there were only a couple he didn't know. Huh. A couple? That's it? The kid didn't look the least bit rattled. You should see me after a test - hair frazzled, lips bitten, red-faced...shaking...he looked like he'd just been hanging out watching a movie for 3+ hours. Calm under pressure. That used to be me, didn't it? When did this anxiety kick in? When did I turn into an examination freakshow? Hmmmmm, examination freakshow would make a pretty good band name.

Anyway...I will let you all know how what the results are. They made him write an essay - what his goals are at Andrean. He said he wrote something about preparing for college, coming out of his shell and improving at soccer. Sounds pretty good to me.

All right all right ...

Now I'm not allowed to talk about estrogen reducing powder? I mean seriously...how offensive is that? It's not like I'm talking in great detail about liposuction...now that would be nasty. Have you seen that procedure? How in the hell do people MOVE after that? Not to mention that icky fat - seen Fight Club?? Eewwwwww...*shudder* I'm sure they could make more than a few bars of soap off of me. Okay, now I'm grossing myself out.

Remember that childhood game...what's grosser than gross? Estrogen reducing powder wouldn't even show up on the top 100 in that game. Although, it does taste pretty nasty, so it very well could. Did any of you play that game? Well, it wasn't really a game. It was just a bunch of us sitting around bringing up the grossest things possible. I can't even remember some of the "old standards" - do you? Please tell me - my brain is broken today. I think I remember something about cheerleaders and class rings...ew...and underwear sticking to walls...I don't know...it was a very long time ago.

UPDATE
I'm feeling better, mostly. Pain is not nearly as bad, though it still comes and goes. Antibiotic is almost over. Today's the last day. I guess I should call the doc and make a follow-up appt. Joy.

Fun stuff - Kevin and I are going to dinner and a show with the other Kevin Crum and his wife. Yes, that's right, you heard me. There are TWO Kev-heads in the world. Sweet Jesus on a pop tart....they're COUSINS. And in some ways they are so much alike it's scary. The other Kevin's wife, Janet, wait...I can't keep calling him "the other Kevin" - there has to be a better way. Hmmmm...K-2? better. K-2's wife asked me last week if my Kevin was as "funny", and I use this term loosely, as K-2. Oh, yeah, I said...hilarious...apparently they're both good for the insipid one-liners and changing song lyrics to something perverse.

I told Janet about Kev-head's standards...like the fact that you can't say "cantaloupe" around my husband - he can't help himself - he has to say "Can't elope tonight, dad's got the car" - and do you know what K-2 did? He laughed - and laughed - and laughed - and I looked at the pain on Janet's face and realized that we understand each other. I had only known her an hour, but there was an unbreakable bond there. It should be a fun evening. We're having dinner at Ditka's and seeing "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" and staying overnight. Good times.

I just need a couple of things...

I am an aisle shopper. It's true. It's horrible and can lead to devastating hits on the checking account. But I mean, sometimes it's good, right? Part of the New Year's resolution list is to have more dinners at home. The side effect of being busy is that we eat on the run a lot. A LOT. It's horrible, and horrible for us. We were a very busy family when I was a kid, but my mom always managed to put good dinners on the table. This was apparently very important to my mother when we were growing up, and she stuck to it. Just another way that the Janet is way more disciplined than I am.

So in an effort to have more dinners/lunches/snacks at home this requires actual food in the house. Friday after work I stopped at the grocery for a couple of items: toilet paper and cranberry juice. A strange combination, yes...but items I felt we needed to get us through the weekend.

Now these grocers are smart people. They hit you with the sale items right up front. This particular grocery pushes so many sale items on you when you first walk in you it makes your head spin. Look! over here! toilet paper on sale! GREAT! And right next to it...CRANBERRY juice. I could have been done right then and there. But then, across the way...canned veggies 10 for $10. Well who can pass that up? And tuna $.50 per can! Hey, the hubby's trying to eat healthy, I should pick that up. And soups! The ad companies are spending a ton of money for me to think that soup will solve all of my weight problems...and the kids LOVE soup. In the cart it goes. And before I can say "paper or plastic" I'm in the produce section and HEY! bag salad is on sale. And I need fruit to make smoothies to choke down that estrogen reducing powder that tastes like ass. And before you know it? I'm in full-fledged grocery shopping mode. Hooray! Food and fresh horses for all my men! I can take on the world! I can prove the theory of relativity!

$229.00 later...yeah, that's right $229. $20 of it was on wine...so that doesn't count, right? So $209. And I didn't even buy any cleaning products, which I desperately need. DESPERATELY. That will require another trip...

But the end result? I made good dinners every night this weekend and good lunches, too. The boys were so excited to see the blueberry waffles they were foaming at the mouth. They hadn't seen them in so long I'm pretty sure they thought that Eggo had stopped making them. We made smoothies every day and had salads for lunch on Sunday. We had snacks for all of the football games and we never had to leave the house. It was BRILLIANT.

It even motivated me to drive the 100 yds to the goodwill store to empty my trunk of the 7 garbage bags overly stuffed with clothes no one wears in my house. They've only been there since November or maybe even longer.

We'll see how long this lasts, but as of right now? I have dinners planned through Saturday, and then a fill in shopping trip planned for Sunday after church. I'm committed. It's a new year, and hopefully, before too long - desperate meals grabbed at Mickey D's will be long gone from my children's minds.

Wish me luck.

I just want to be NORMAL...

I never thought I'd say that. Normal isn't a word that's usually used when it comes to me. Never has been - I've come to terms with it. But now, RIGHT NOW - I'd really like to be ... normal. This is ridiculous. Yes, I've talked about my mismatched frame and my goofy walk, and my disproportioned shoulders and calves - whatever. But having pain from a bladder infection where your bladder isn't? That's just creepy.

Overall the pain is better. And up until an hour ago - I thought it was gone. I thought the antibiotic is doing it's job and I'll be fine. No more trips to the doc. Well, guess what. It's baaaaaaaack - not as bad as it was, which is good. But still doesn't feel great. argggggh.

So I'll wait it out...finish the script...see what happens. Maybe I just strained something and coincidentally I have a bladder infection. Sounds good, right? Let's go with that.

The waiting is the hardest part....

So Tigger is worried that this is my appendix that's giving me problems. I'm not convinced. Waiting for the results of my bloodwork to see what's going on. The doc doesn't open until 9am ... I think. I just tried calling. No one is there. ugh.

The smart side of my brain says no way it's that. The wishful part of my brain says no way because I can't take any time off for illness. I have Washington, D.C. with Alex, cub scout camp with Owen and fabulous beach vacation, the sequel. No time for foolish appendix concerns.

Do you hear me universe...NO TIME.

I'll let you know if I hear anything exciting. They better have wi-fi in the hospital if that's where I'm going! I'll pack up the laptop just in case. Just imagine the material I'd have in there. Horrible food, horrible smells, general discomfort...that's practically a novel. Brilliant.

So if the "I can put you dead in a ditch if you're 10 minutes late to my house" part of my brain is right - I'm about to lose an organ. But it's a useless organ, so no worries. This is highly unlikely says the smart, rational portion of my brain which is usually only active when combating evil problems here at work.

Think good thoughts for my innards folks.
1:23 p.m. - ETA: White cell count is NORMAL. So now I have pain where I shouldn't for a bladder infection that I didn't even know I had. But the normal count rules out appendicitis, so I'm glad the smart side of my brain didn't let my dead-in-a-ditch-side run to the ER. Hopefully the antibiotic will clear the pain up...

There are worse things I could do...

I know, I know - I haven't been around much lately - sorry for that. I've been busy over here and not feeling well, blah-blah-blah - you don't care, but I'm going to share anyway.

Male readers, beware, I may talk about girl stuff here.

I've been having this mysterious abdominal pain. Down low - like where you're girl parts could be. Mostly I can dismiss it, but sometimes it gets really bad, and now it's bad and in my back, too. So I went in and talked to the doc. After a quick pee in a cup, I apparently have some white cells where they shouldn't be, indicative of a bladder infection. Great - but the pain I'm having isn't anywhere near my bladder. Whoops. Off I go to have pictures of my internals.

I had been waiting on a gall bladder ultrasound as well - I got on this new high deductible insurance plan, so I wanted to wait until after the 1st of the year so it would all count towards this year. They warm the gel, people - how cool is that? I haven't had an ultrasound since I was pregnant with Owen - cold, cold, evil gel. Not anymore! And now there are shiny pictures of my gall bladder, pancreas, liver WITH sound - yeah that's right...SOUND. You can hear the blood pumping to all of these organs and they record it as part of the ultrasound. Who knew?? I want that as an mp3 so I can use it as my "incoming email" sound. Wouldn't that be fun??

Okay, maybe notsomuch.

Whatever.

I also had my girl parts ultrasounded...can I use that word like that? no? too bad. Ovaries? check. Uterus? check. Overly full bladder from drinking 32 oz. of water on the way to the test? check. And even more sound stuff - the blood vessels light up on the screen - it's like looking through those heat seeking cameras...reds and blues...and then the sound...fun stuff. The tech that took the pics was nice, she pointed out all of my organs. I think that stuff is cool.

Now the question is, how do I get my hands on these? It's not like having a baby where you have the ultrasound and then they print the pics so you can show people. But why? Why can't I have a pic of my pancreas for my purse? Why can't I put my bladder in a photo album and show people? Do you think I can request them? Maybe I should have said something to her. Very disappointing, to walk away and not have any pics to show off. "And here, this one, this is the right side of my liver....oooh, and this one here? This shows the arteries into my ovary."

I had some bloodwork, too. Hopefully it's nothing, just this infection and a course of antibiotics will do the trick. I'm ready to be done with it. It's wiping me out. How are you guys?

The worst thing to deal with ...

Car trouble. Oh yeah, babies...I have done it now. I have jinxed myself but good. I had to be all happy about making that last car payment, didn't I? I had to talk about how great it would be to not have a car payment for at least 6 months, didn't I? Well phooey on me. Oh wait, I'm supposed to be more positive in '07 - positively phooey on me. So there.

Last Thursday I was stranded in my office parking lot in the pouring rain for 30 minutes while my car did not start. No, it's not the battery. No, it's not the alternator. No, there are no idiot lights showing. It's done this twice before. Both times the car was neatly tucked away in my garage at home. Now I'm in a parking lot in the rain. My husband, trying not to pull a complete repeat performance of "the window getting stuck down at 3:30 in the morning while it's 30 degrees" response...which was "I TOLD you to get that looked at!!!" Hmmmm, yes..helpful. Was instead even MORE helpful by saying "that's it, I'm going to take care of all of the car stuff from now on." Oh brilliant...yes...I'm glad to know that from this point forward you'll have it all under control, but that doesn't help me NOW.

The car finally did start - there must be some sort of short in the ignition/gear shift/something-or-other that makes it think it's not in park. Cars don't start when they're not in park. Well, the newer cars anyway. Maybe the older cars did. But I can tell you that mine does not.

So I take the car to the dealership this morning (wait, I thought my husband was taking care of the cars from now on??? Yeah, notsomuch)....and I ask for an oil change, too. He informs me that if they find nothing wrong, I'm going to have to pay them $90 or something like that for diagnostic work. Ummm, scuse me? What happened to getting an estimate? What happened to being able to shop around for the best price to fix my car? I'm not allowed to do that anymore? And since the car is currently starting up no problem, what if they can't find the problem? This has happened to me 3 times in the past 4 months...getting the problem to recreate itself may take some time. So how about this crabby service lane man...how about I pay you the $90 if you can't find the problem, and you pay for my tow service AND the cost to fix it when it happens again. And oh, by the way? I drive a lot...so the car may be stuck in BFE Rensselaer when it happens.

Bastards, all of them.

It was a great weekend other than the fact that I'm feeling a bit under the weather. How are YOU?

Here it is - 2007!

Wow! Where has the time gone...I know - I got yelled at by some anonymous lurker! How rude!

So didja have a good weekend? Ring in the new year with lots of fun? Eileen, how was festivus?

Overall the weekend was good. Friday night included cocktails and 80's Trivial Pursuit and poker...which I am NO good at, btw. I'm a good card player...great at euchre - brilliant in canasta, love spades, hearts...but this whole betting thing, bluffing thing...yeah, not so much. I mean really...I think I'm like every other warm-blooded girl - you bet when you have good cards, fold when you don't...don't spend the money if you can't make the money. THAT is no good. THAT doesn't win you any pots. That is a bunch of MUCK. Yeah, that's right, I said it...MUCK. And when I did try to take risks...bluff if you will...nuthin. The one hand I could have actually won with? The river came along with a spade and swept it right out from under me. BASTARDS. It's a conspiracy, I say. But I wasn't the first one out, and I stayed in longer than Kev-head. So there. It was fun.

New Year's Eve was filled with drinking and chatting and pictionary - I forgot how much I liked pictionary. We had dry erase boards and it was something we could do with the kids, so that was fun. We almost missed midnight, however. I looked up and realized it was 11:56 and I dashed upstairs to get the champagne. Whoops.

So far I've kept 1 resolution. I've got time for the others. I'm positive about it - I can totally do this. No problem. Especially since I've adopted Colleen's resolution to sit on my butt and drink red wine. Hmmmmm...then I've accomplished TWO resolutions! Which is two more than usual, so THERE.

I had funny stories for you guys...but I forgot them. I guess memory work should be another resolution. We'll see. How are you?