Dame Helen Mirren?
Seriously - the woman is old enough to be my mother - quite literally, but did you SEE her at the Oscars? I want to be her. Right now. RIGHT.NOW. Even Kev-head was all in a tizzy about her calling her "the ultimate MILF." Move over Stifler's Mother, you have been replaced. It would take a team of hairdressers and make-up artists to get me to look half this good and I'm half her age! And I can't even TALK about the lifting it would take to get my chest to look anything close to that good in that dress. I secretly hate you Helen Mirren! No ... I love you... call me...
For those of you who don't know, I am a red carpet junkie. Award shows are my crack cocaine, and once the first of the year hits, I am in heaven straight through the Oscars. Globes, SAGs, Grammy's, Oscars...it's all a little slice of heaven.
But this year sucked ass. Why? Because there was an ice storm kiddies. And when you live in the boonies in an ice storm, no one cares that you don't have power for 24 hours. No.one.cares. And then you get power for like 30 minutes - and WHAM! right back out in the middle of your wash cycle. That sucks. It sucks even more when your generator keeps blowing fuses because you're loading it up with too much stuff, like I don't know...HEAT. And then the damn HDDVR takes 10 minutes to load. So I missed the Dreamgirls songs, I missed the shadowy acrobats forming themselves into a stiletto and I missed some critically boring awards that no one cares about. But I did see my favorite parts - the red carpet, the opening monologue (Ellen was very good this year), a bit with Al Gore (Al, I miss you and Tipper, too with her hyperbolic sensitivity to 'inappropriate music') and better yet, the song with Jack Black, Will Ferrell, and that other guy that most of you don't know, John C. Reilly. And guess how they ended their song? Foaming at the mouth over Helen friggin' Mirren.
And someone needs to get Cameron Diaz professional help - not mental - she needs a professional hairdresser. Please. Enough with the shaggy half up half down mussed up do. It's what I do about 2pm everyday here at work when I'm in the weeds. It's not a good look for me. It's not a good look on NATIONAL FUCKING TELEVISION WITH A BILLION PEOPLE WATCHING. Comb that shit, sweep it up and get it together.
So didja watch? Didja? It's okay to admit it here...it's a safe place...I'm an addict, too. Who did YOU like?
8 comments:
Ok, I haven't even read the blog yet but I had to respond. I've had that stupid song in my head all morning and can't get rid of it. Then, I go to the blog and "Holy Shit" there it is....Oy Vey...
Ok, I read half of this. No, I don't watch the Oscar's. Nor the Grammy's, People's Choice, Golden Globe's, or any of those other self serving awards shows for Hollywood's elite. Like I care...
Furthermore, Sunday's are for bowling...
Also, you're right. No one gives a shit if your power was out. Although, I'm glad you made it.
So yes, I did watch the Oscars. I've especially always loved the Red Carpet. I totally agree Helen Mirren was the top pick of the night. She looked fabulous. On the other side, Cameon Diaz definitely needs a lot of help. I couldn't believe some of the ooh's and aah's over her gown and her hair.....totally did not work for me.
Julie. if you're out there, thanks for both the card and the angel. The angel will be going with me to every chemo.
Rebecca, if I don't have my MP3 player loaded with CD's you sent me, I will enlist your help. I'm so looking forward to your visit.
Of course we watched. We watch every year. We love movies and had just watched "Departed" the night before. My favorites? Mark Wahlberg - great actor and fun to look at. Ellen did well. Favorite dress was probably Penelope Cruz. There I was, watching on the floor, folding laundry, in sweats and hair in a ponytail. Lovely.
Now there's a dichotomy for you.
I watched on and off. Vivian was getting into the dresses so I had to dig out her Cinderella dress to wear.
Helen looked awesome but Resse was a hottie.
Ah yes, Penelope Cruz...I need a fistful of paxil and a therapist on hand just to look at her, she causes my self-esteem to plummet.
I was in flannel PJ bottoms, a long sleeve shirt with a sweater, unshowered because we had no power. I totally get what you're saying, Eileen.
Carol - I will totally load your mp3 player if you don't have a chance before I come.
I totally boycotted this year as Jack Ass II was not nominated...AND I cannot get that stupid song out of my head due to the trailer for Road Hogs
Just caught up with the blog and, yes, I watched the Oscars and Helen was the Queen!!
Carol, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm a cancer survivor, too! (Can't believe Jimmer forgot that!) Melenoma in 1997, so I've hit the 10 year mark. I refused the chemo since they wanted me to do the interferon bit, which was iffy at best. Meant going to Chi-town 5 days a week for a shot, then riding the train home feeling like shit for a month and then giving myself the shots for the next year. The percent rate was only 12% so I said why break down the only defense system I have for such a little percent, feeling like shit for a year, and they found absolutely nothing in the wide excision and the lymph nodes. Just left a hell of a scar on my leg.
Rebecca, you can take Carol hat shopping! They really have some cute ones now. Not just scarves and funny ones. Helen (Grams Anton) had a really cute one that she wore everywhere.
Anyway, sending my best thoughts!
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