Coming soon to a theatre near you...the goose story...

I know what you're all saying. No! It's not possible to now have a story about geese...and the truth is, I don't. YET. But to tell you the story I MIGHT have in the future, I have to tell you this:

So I was in great debate with my husband over whether or not to come clean about the great chicken massacre of 2006. His theory was 'screw 'em, they deserve what they got for being stupid.' Actually told me that if I went and talked to them about it, that I would be the jackass. Hmmm. I didn't like that answer. I was racked with guilt over the chicken, even though I agree, they are the stupid people here. In the interest of neighborly duty, I waited until Kevin was off on his HD with the boys before I went over to make my Saturday confession about the whereabouts of the missing chicken.

The neighbors basically didn't care. They were fine with it. Mrs. Neighbor said "It wasn't an egg-layer, I don't care." They also tell me that they figured it was one of our dogs and not coyotes, because apparently Jessie traded in her rawhide chew stick for a meaty chicken drumstick that day and left the rawhide next to the coop. Fantastic. All-righty then, glad I 'fessed up! They invite us over to watch the fireworks they'll be setting off that evening. I say we might be there.

Later that evening, after dark, after the boys are back in town and I fill their bellies with finely grilled foods, the fireworks start.

And you also have to know this: my son Owen is an exhibitionist who ran around the house with his friend Luke screaming "There's a full moon!" and dropping his pants causing his friend fits of laughter. And then he would do it back...on and on they went, laughing at each other's rearends. Seriously. So at first they were just out on our porch watching the 'show' screaming goofy things to the neighbors...they are insane. This doesn't really have anything to do with ducks, chickens or geese, I just find it hilarious and wanted to share.

When we go over there, and Mr. Neighbor proceeds to tell me that the ducks are gone. They think the coyotes got them. I believe I predicted this in the duck story. While expressing my grief over the loss of their ducks, in my head the allelujah chorus goes off, because now I can let my dogs run through the woods without worrying about them heading over to their pond.

The next morning I let the dogs out and they're doing what they do when I see the neighbors unloading crates from their minivan. Nicholas (their 5 year old) runs over screaming "Geese! We have geese!" Sweet Jesus. These people just will not give up with the fowl. For the love. I keep my dogs on the west side of my property while they lead said geese waddling back to the pond. After awhile I put the dogs away and see the 3 geese: 2 white, 1 gray, settling into the "chicken coop." All that says to me is "dog buffet." They might as well put up a sign.

In the meantime these people don't have a pot to piss in. They are only mowing 1/4 of their lawn because they only have a push mower and Mr. Neighbor is on medical leave from work because of his health (he's overweight, has high cholesterol and blood pressure and is a cop).

So I don't know yet what 'the goose story' will be, but I'm sure there will be one. What's next? Emus? Peacocks? Ostrich? How many different types of birds can they own and have killed before they finally realize they need a barn if they're going to have animals. Kevin and I think they'll default on the property before the end of the year. We'll see.