So I've noticed some things recently.
Women in our area will say that our PTA is a "click." Interesting. But I think we are this way because the very people that call us that have made us this way. We are the only people who show up for anything. Need volunteers for a sock hop? 10 women show up. Little league concession stand? Same women. Cub scouts, girl scouts, classroom helpers, graduation helpers, people who attend school board meetings and pta meetings...SAME WOMEN. We post and we beg and we invite all sorts of people to come, to please come, get involved, take a turn. Trust me...we would be MORE than happy to have you.
But they don't come, even when some of them express interest or say they will. We never see them.
So how can they not expect that the 10 or so of us - the women who are always there - will not become friends? Maybe socialize a bit. That makes us a click. We're perfectly nice people. Well, some of us aren't...I'm not blind...but most of us are nice people. We genuinely want your help and your ideas, and you just sit there and do nothing and then bash us for what we've done. Thanks.
And I've noticed that actually LESS parents are even coming to events. More parents are becoming "drop and run" parents. Now, not on my baseball team, but others I've seen, some in Roselawn, some elsewhere, we'll play teams where one or two parents are there. Twelve kids on a team and 2 adults are there. What? We had 6th grade graduation for 75 kids the other night. I think half of them had parents there. Huh? My dad was at the game the other night. My girlfriends, the moms of the other kids, were screaming for their kids, laughing, joking, generally having a good time. His response? "And to think I used to be so mad at my parents for never seeing my games." Oh Harry.
I know people have stuff to do, shift work, other kids in other activities. Hey, I get it. I do this. I divide and conquer. But really when I talk to people, they really don't have reasons for not attending their kids' stuff. They just drop and run. Can't they make an effort? Why aren't they? So the question is, is this generation of parents, the generation x-ers I think they are, just so apathetic as left over from the 90's, or am I too involved?
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11 comments:
Answer: you are doing exactly what every good parent should! No kid wants to look in the bleachers knowing they have no one there to watch them. How sad is that?!?!
What's even sadder is that these are 6TH GRADERS!!!! Not high-school kids. Pathetic!
Work can always get in the way, or other kids.
I can't say both my parents were always at my events.
But on that same page I didn't always have a parent yelling at me or telling me how to do it better.
I think the Xer's coke has finally worn off and they can't run anymore
You are definitely too involved...but in a good way. Plus, you like it like that and your boys like it too.
Let me give you a few examples:
1. You aren't just a cub scout parent, you are the leader, cub master, whatever you are person.
2. You aren't just going to the PTA meetings, you write the freaking newsletter.
3. You aren't just going to school board meetings, you are one of the most vocal and you came up with a whole proposal to rezone your local schools...something your school board seems unable to do.
4. You aren't just a member of Thrivent, you sit on the old man board of people.
5. You aren't just a baseball parent, your husband is the coach of the team and you have practices at your house.
6. Ditto for football.
Anyway, I could go on and on..what am I forgetting???
Since I fall into the lurker category more than a joiner, I just thank god there are people like you out there.
And BTW, these women are worried about cliques? I haven't even thought about stuff like that since high school. They must have something better to do???
kathy - I love you.
Let's be a little bit honest here. First of all, I don't think you are "Too" involved. Only when you are damaging events do you become "too" involved. Now, here's the honest part. Rebecca, your personality is that of a leader. You've always been that way. Julie (Jbrave) is the same way. So, you are the one that "Stands up to be counted," so to speak. Also, people know you and the 9 others are going to do everything so they don't have to. It happens in all social settings. Whether it's kids activities or the PTA or (in my case) the Rotary Club.
I don't know if gen-x'er's is the proper terminology or not but I do know that coke is not the culprit. That is from the 80's...It's curious that Pea brings that up...
It is a disturbing trend that increasingly parents are becoming less involved in their children's lives and then they wonder why their kids turn out to be shit. Everyone knows that I do not have kids but everyone that does have kids has been guilty of ploping them down in front of the TV so that they can get "adult" stuff done. I'm sure I will be to someday, God willing. (I went to Church yesterday.) But, whatever causes you to be active in your children's lives (eggo or otherwise) you can never be too involved...That is as long as you are not trying to re-live your own childhood through them...
I've rambled enough and don't even know if this makes sense.
White Sox Suck right now...Damn!
I can relate. As the president of Booster Club this year (same as PTA) I was selling tickets at Friday's end-od-the-year BBQ and one woman who I've never met said, "Wow, you're just everywhere aren't you?" And she didn't say this in a nice way. And I felt like saying, "Hey, if you'd help out a little, I wouldn't have to be everywhere."
Eileen - YES - this is exactly what I'm talking about. That condescending "well aren't you just into everything" comment The comment that I got was from a mom - who isn't involved in our school - hell, her kids aren't even IN our school, she home schools them - and she said to me - "you need to learn how to say no."
Mmmmm, okay. Thanks. I've been in therapy for that very thing - thanks for being so cutting edge. But until you've actually tried to step up in this community and get others to do the same so you CAN sit home one night, or maybe watch graduation instead of work it? Shut your piehole.
I hear the chatter - there are all of these moms, the uninvolved ones who bitch and bitch and bitch - and I try to involve them. You guys KNOW me - I invite EVERYONE to EVERYTHING. I try to get fresh blood involved...and not only do they give me lipservice about what a great idea that is, they never show. It's just so frustrating.
Living vicariously through my kids? Only on the DC trip. :)
Jimmer - your novella is appreciated, and you're right - it does happen everywhere. But are they really not participating because they know someone else will take care of it? I think that's a cop-out. There's ALWAYS something to be done. ALWAYS. I know the other 9 ladies will take care of things if I'm not around, but why are there only 9 or 10 or whatever in a school of 400 kids?
Shake it off. I go through these thoughts all the time and sometimes just tell my husband, "That's it! I'm not doing anything else, I'm not inviting anyone else...I'm done!" But the next week I'm back at it again.
You can't screw with nature, and it's just who I am. And it sounds like it's just who you are too.
Drink a Diet Coke and shake it off babe.
I think I will. I haven't had one today...I've been sneaking a couple in a week.
Off to get something fattening for lunch that will SURELY make me feel better.
I do belive The Jimmer has a point. I notice this at work, I lead, therefore, I see what needs to be done and do it or ask someone else to do it while I am doing something else. In the meantime, the other employees are just standing around, looking useless and they know that if it needs to be done Pea will do it (they don't get to call me Pea) so that is a very valid point, Rebecca does therefore no one else has too.
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