ya-ya's of the world, unite!!

Okay, okay, okay, Suz - I'm on it...I've been busy, dammit. I clearly have to write this blog or Suzi will drive out here from Wichita and beat my ass. Her words, not mine.

Last weekend Suz came into town from KS...she was supposed to be here on Friday...ummmmmm...notsomuch. Instead she got drunk...and by drunk I mean blotto'd in the Wichita airport and listened to my son's band compose a song for her over the phone. It really sucked, too, because when I found out her flight was delayed, I hatched a fantastic plan where Julie, Sher and I would hop hook up in Mville and jump into one car and drive out to fetch Suz from ORD. Ahhhh, the best laid plans....

shit.

So she ended up getting here Saturday morning and CLEARLY needed a break from her mother by Saturday night, so we arranged to all get together at the Village. Because Alex had a birthday party in Winfield and Kevin was living at the baseball field all weekend, I had to pick him up on my way out there and tuck him away at Jul's while we went out. As long as he has his laptop, he could care less....

Al and I picked up Suzi at her ma's and trucked on over to Julie's house. When we pull up, Julie and Chris are replacing the storm door. The storms last week did major damage to the existing one. The problem was that it had no handle. Apparently that's something you add later, and Chris hadn't gotten to that part yet, so they had to leave the top window down so you could grab the thing and open it. In hindsight it's really not that funny - but in the moment it was hysterical. We started thinking that maybe he shouldn't put the handle on, and that we should devise some sort of remote control....or maybe they could rig it like those commercials..."Door OPEN" and of course it wouldn't and we'd all go crashing into it accordion style. Again, hilarious last weekend...as was the fact that the arm thingy that is supposed to a) keep the door from flying off and b) bring the door back to closed slowly...well, it brought it back slowly all right. So slowly that we were pretty sure if we didn't push it closed that it still would have been sloooooowly closing when we got back from the Village.

While at the Village, something very strange happened. I've seen less than favorable men try to pick up women in bars before, but this guy took the cake. Now keep in mind that Suz was hot-flashing her ass off, so she's sitting in the Village in her tank top, bra straps a flyin. This guy walks by our table and gives Suzi the up and down...visibly, noticeably and then stands not too far away just STARING. It was creepy. Creepier yet was when Suzi got up to go to the bathroom and creepy guy comes back, sits in her seat and says to me...
Drunk Guy: "You're friend here...is she single?"
You gotta give the guy credit for being direct, I guess.
Me: "Um, no"...
DG: "Oh, really"
Me: "Yeah, she's very married"
Julie: "And she's not even from here"
Me: "She's not remotely single and she's not remotely from here"
DG: "Well, I guess that happens."
Me: "I guess it does."
And off he goes.

It was weird, and creepy and ....ew.

We were supposed to leave at a decent time...because Suzi made me promise...and we weren't out too terribly late, but it was late enough, and Suzi was a little intoxicated...which made the car ride with Alex hilarious. Alex LOVES laughing at my friends when they're drunk. And Suzi gave him lots of great material that night - like asking FIFTY-TWO TIMES if we could go to McDonald's to get cheeseburgers, to which I responded yes every.single.time. but it didn't stop the question. And telling me and Alex that she was going to beat some ass...and I can't remember all of the ass-beating reasons, but I do remember this: Suzi was talking about how she's really at the top of her game and says "Right now, I'm the most intelligent I've ever been" and my response? "Really? Right NOW? Maybe right now in general but not...maybe not right NOW" as Alex cackles from the back seat in response and Suzi blames HIM for her drunkenness because if Alex had just come WITH us...he would have stopped her from drinking so many beers. Ummmm, yeah...

There were so many fun things from that night - but I can't type anymore...I have to get some work done...this will have to do for now, Suz - the sunflower story will have to wait....