The agony of defeat...

Yes...it's true - I went to the state bowling competition. I didn't expect to win, hell, I didn't even expect to place. I did expect to not embarrass myself. That, my friends, did not happen.

We get to South Bend, check in, get to the alley with plenty of time to spare. Beautiful. They asked me for my member card. I don't have one. Nor do I ever remember seeing one. This is a problem. The other girls have theirs, I don't have mine. Bugger. I knew this going in. The problem is, the USBC chick, doesn't have my name in the system anywhere. According to her I have not been sanctioned - paid no fees..."have you bowled 21 games?" Ummmm, YEAH - 3 games every Thursday for 28 weeks, yeah, I've bowled 21 - even with the nights I missed.

So I get the league secretary on the phone. She gives me my sanction number. I go back to USBC chick - she looks up my number. Oh, she says...here it is. Oh, I say - I'm Rebecca Chum. Yeah, that's right...CHUM...you know a fish, a salmon....I'm chummy....chum-chum-chum-chum. OMG - so after 20 minutes of me FREAKING OUT because they weren't going to let me bowl because I'm not a sanctioned bowler - I find out that I'm fine, just as long as I bowl under an assumed name. Brilliant.

But now that's all settled, right? I'm good to go, right? Time to grab a cocktail and get in bowling mode. I join my team in the bar - they're very cordial to their new teammate Mrs. Chum. I come out of the bar, put my shoes on and open up my bag to grab my towel, my ball and my shoe covers.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
WHAT HAS TAKEN OVER MY BOWLING BAG?????

Hmmmmm, it seems I forgot...I forgot the butter braids I put in my bag the night before. The cream cheese and cherry butter braids I had bought for some fundraiser from a teammate at the bowling alley. I put them in my bag to take home. And then forgot about them. FORGOT. Ummm, yeah, the idea is that when these things THAW, the yeast activates and they EXPAND. When they expand they explode from their wrappers filling my bag with yummy pastry, cream cheese and cherry goodness. I bowl in 15 minutes and my ball, my towel and my shoe covers are chock full of cream cheese and cherry filling. at state. STATE. I'm supposed to bowl 6 games and my ball is covered in cream cheese. This is not good.

I station myself near the garbage can, use my towel to clean as much of it as I can and then throw it away - no sense even washing it at this point. Shoe covers? Garbage. Luckily there was a spray bottle of something and a towel hanging on the garbage can, I used it to clean the remaining braid filling off my ball. I wanted to cry.

I bowled my singles and my doubles games that night...
Doubles... 143,109,117
Singles... 167,142,127

My knee - the one I had surgery on 17 years ago - yeah, that started swelling and hurting like a mutha for no good reason either. During game 2 of my singles deal my foot stuck to the floor causing me to fall on my knees...OVER THE FOUL LINE. Awesome...wait...it gets better...I threw a strike. That didn't count. My only consolation is that even with that strike I wouldn't have had my 500 series. Whatever.

Team bowling on Sunday we won't even discuss. It was like I'd never bowled before. I didn't even record my scores because my series total was like a 350. Brilliant.

OMG - so...there's more to tell from this weekend, but that's all you get for now. We got a little tipsy on Friday night and had a great time....that's all I have to say about that.