Let me start by saying I love my mother. I even like her a whole lot. We're friends, we're family, we laugh with and at each other. It's very healthy. And I've always liked her, even in that awkward teenage phase where everything your mother does is horrible and embarrassing, my mother's ability to always laugh at herself first made her hilarious. Dancing at sock hops when she's supposed to be chaperoning, picking flowers at the looney bin during band practice, you name it, she's priceless.
BUT
Every mom has their quirky bad habits that make you say "when I grow up, I'm not going to do x, y, z..." or "when I get older I hope I don't have my mom's ________"...we all know how it goes.
And as I'm on the weekend eve of my 35th birthday, I'm taking stock, doing some self-inventory and reviewing myself. Maybe it's just a girl thing? Jimmer, you've got a landmark birthday this year, do men do the same thing? I feel like Kevin took 40 really well. Some minor self-inventory freak out type things but nothing mid-life-crisis-like.
Anyway, my research has revealed one thing: I am "the Janet." In ways I swore I never would be. Ever.
1. Her laugh - my mom loses her eyes when she laughs. Seriously. Only slits. I can't even smile big anymore without losing my eyes. And forget it if I've been drinking...they are gone. And she howls. And she snorts. Things that crack you up about a person as an OBSERVER, but now, it's totally and completely happened to ME. I can remember kids hating it when their mom's had card club at their house because my mom's laugh would keep them awake. Excellent.
2. Hollering at people you don't know in public places - Oh yeah...do you know the story about me at the taekwondo tournament getting into it with another parent over his 2 year old blowing a WHISTLE throughout the national anthem and the award ceremony? That's good stuff and a classic Janet move. I'd like to think she would have done the same thing. Or how about me GETTING ON THE BUS and reaming the bus driver. Classic. How do my kids tolerate me???
3. Smells making me physically ill - AWESOME! I used to totally make fun of my mother for this one. I honestly used to think she was making it up. Now I don't wear perfume, only use unscented lotions and I have moved across the church in the middle of a service to get away from an overly coiffed woman. I couldn't breathe!
4. Cooking for 900 people - We all know the Janet loves to entertain. Most people have a FEW dishes at a party, not the Janet, and NOT me. The superbowl party? OMG - I guess I went to the store hungry because we had 17 different dishes that day.
5. Always being cold - I used to make fun of my mom for wearing two pairs of socks around the house. And a sweater. I got a good look at myself in the mirror this morning when I woke up (was it really MY idea to hang a full length mirror on the back of my bathroom door? What was I thinking???) I was rocking a brown T-shirt, camel colored cardigan, some black sleep pants and yes, two pairs of socks...PLUS my croc-knocks. My new house shoes (thanks Jul) - I love them. Everyone should have two pairs. At least. Mine are cheap fakes. Julia has the real deal: Love crocs!
6. Back problems - Ah yes. My mom's has always been sciatica. Mine is in my shoulders. I now know what it means to be leveled by such a thing.
7. Making 57 little trips to the grocery store in a week but never one big trip - I have evolved into this. It goes hand in hand with running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. You would think, being so damn busy, that making one trip would make sense, so you're actually, I don't know, PREPARED for the week. But noooooooooo...I actually alternate between the Meijer and the Wiseway so they don't think I'm retarded. I'm so not together that there was one Sunday when I went to the IGA 3 times. In one day. Seriously. It's a PROBLEM.
I could go on and on. These are just the highlights.
Love you mom.
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3 comments:
First and formost, I LOVE THE JANET. She is my second Mom. She's a good listener, a good laugher, and a great person to be around when any Gwen Stefani song comes on the radio. Pure Excitement.
Now, out of the seven traits of The Janet, I am #7. Take this week for example.
Saturday 3/18
7:35am- SHOPPED JEWEL for donuts to take to the Grandparents for breakfast. $3.00
2PM- SHOPPED JEWEL for the 'mother load' shopping trip. Got a lot of great deals and only spent 1 hour doing this nasty task. $116.39
Monday 3/20
5:30pm SHOPPED Wiseway (only because I didn't want to be seen at Jewel again) for pre-cut lettuce for tacos (I know, I know--but I'm a WORKING MOM. Who has time to cut lettuce?) and a few other odds and ends...shrimp...water... you know because the 'mother load' trip wasn't enough. $34.69
And now we don't have any fresh fruit in the house. And I got a coupon in the mail from the Jewel.... "shop and spent $80-$100 by March 26th and save 10% with this coupon!" SERIOUSLY? I just dropped some coin your direction, why the hell didn't mail out my coupon earlier. Shit like that can chap my ass. So I swore to Chris that I wasn't going again to the grocery. Not this week. I'm not doing it.
Until I need wine.
Which might be tonight, because I don't feel like what I have at home and the Columbia Crest Two Vines Merlot Cabernet Sauvignon 2002 is on sale for $5.99 at the Wiseway.
Hey, my kid needs fresh fruit.
I would kill to have or receive any trait of my mother...she is an angel on earth and that is an understatement.
What I did get, I got from my father...a hot temper, a tendancy to be selfish, a hearty appetite, and little if any patience, and a wacked out thought process, don't get me wrong, I love my dad and he has come a long way in "correcting,if you will" those awful traits he has, and has mellowed, I can only hope I will too, but he was a prick when I was growing up, and GUESS WHAT, so am I.
I used to cry alot when I was a kid, for no damn good reason and I suppose that could make any parent nuts, but my dad used to say to me "dry up" in the most hateful, uncompasstionate (sp) voice you would ever have the unpleasent task of hearing...and yet, I found myself saying the exact same thing to little Stevie one day when he was having a hard time (Ron's Grandkid and Ron being my boyfried)...boy that shook me to the toes...I have to change my evil ways...I wish I was more like my mother.
First and foremost, I love my Mother and I do love Janet. I mean, we grew up right next door to them for cripes sakes. (Janet, not Mom) But, I did not have the luxury to really know her growing up because I was afraid of Rebecca's Father, Harry. He always said he wanted a son and told me on a couple of occasions that he was going to kidnap me. At the age of 8 I hope you can understand why I believed him. Since then we have become friends and I wish I had Harry's golf game, but now I am off topic.
I also, recieved a couple traits from Mom or Mom Joy as some people refer to her. If I am home for then night, I won't leave the house. Even if I'm starving and have no food, I wait till I go to work the next day and get breakfast. Mom's kind of a home-body. Secondly, I'm not a neat freak, not even close. (Julie has seen my apartment and can testify. Her husband Chris once asked me if my closets were sick. I said, "no why?" His response, "because it looks like they threw up." He's a funny guy, even though he's bald.)
Ok, where the hell was I? I stepped away to answer some emails because, obviously it has not been a productive day for me.
Oh, yeah, Mom traits. We both smoke. Ok, I'm not blaming that on you Mom as I am a big boy and make my own decisions. But, by enlarge, I am a clone of my Father. I catch myself all the time with his manurizms (sp), the insurance career and what not...I'm affectionetly known as the SOB (son of boss) or as my siblings used to say, Mini-me. (my pinky is at the corner of my mouth.)
There are other things I wanted to site but I've forgotten them. I think I got that from my grandparents, or was it the drugs in my younger years? Who knows...
Ok, bye.
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