If I'm polite, will you go away??

I'd like to thank my bloggees for once again supplying me with my daily gripe.

People.

What is wrong with people these days? I just don't understand. We are the nice people, aren't we? All of us here in ramble-land...the NICE people...the understanding, rational, co-dependent, caregiving....oh wait, is that just me? Sorry. But mostly, we're the good guys. Why do people insist on being irrational, irritating, delusional wrecks every.single.day? I can only speak for myself here, but seriously, get a grip, people. Life is just not that bad that you have to take it out on me. Running out of Zoloft? Xanax? Valium?

The people here at my office...blog readers not included...calm down. Yes, we want you to report errors. Yes, we take them seriously. Yes, despite what you may think we DO want to HELP you. But coming to my office door, and lurking there...and then starting with "Hiiiiiiiiiiiii Rebecca. How are YOU todaaaaaay?" Ummmm, seriously...just spit it out. I want to help you...just tell me what's broken. Followed up with "So I tried to do such and such, and it's not working." What happens when you do such and such? "It doesn't work" Okay, work with me here...error message? Complete and total lock up of your machine? Snakes slithering out of your workstation? Give me something to work with. "Yeah, I get an error" What does it say? "I don't know"

And do you want to know WHY you don't know? Because you marched your happy ass all the way over here when you could have emailed me AND emailed the exact error. Now this person is mad at ME because I sent them back to their desk with the instructions "You're going to have to email me the error" - because I am many things. A blogger...an IT Goddess...a mother...a wife...a cat owner with a severe cat problem and a male cat who can't keep his shit to himself...a biker babe/bitch...a friend...a wine-o...but a mind-reader...that I'm not. Sorry folks. Give me details. I told her nicely. I'm sorry, I can't help you without more information, email me the error. Off in a huff. Sorry about ya babe...next time do what I've told you to do one million times. EMAIL ME. For the love.

And then there's the crazy stoner grandma on the baseball team. This woman is going to be the death of me. Approaches me at the ball field, during the game, which started at 6pm. THEY ALL START AT 6PM ON WEEKDAYS.

Crazy Stoner Grandma: "What time were the boys supposed to be here?"
Me: "I don't know, Kevin takes care of that."
CSG: "Well don't they want them here by 5:30?"
M: "I don't know, I guess."
CSG: "Well we were here and no one was here."
M: "I think ideally they want them here at 5:30, but the game starts at 6. So as long as they're here by 6, that's fine."
CSG: (in a huff now and kind of yelling at me) "So NO ONE was here for the 5:30 practice??"
M: "I don't know, I wasn't here. I come at 6 for the game. I'm sure someone was here, my husband was here."
CSG: "No, he wasn't...no one was. We went to the other field because no one was here."
M: "I don't know what to tell you, the schedule was clear."
CSG: "WELL FINE THEN." And stomps off.

First of all - I know of 3 families who were there by 5:15. They said so, and they weren't stoned.
Secondly - I know Kevin was there...I talked to him en route.
Third - SHUT UP CRAZY STONER GRANDMA. Seriously. I am NOT the coach...I am NOT involved. The field is not that big. You are so incoherent someone actually HAND-WROTE the schedule for you with the dates, times and places and YOU LEFT??? You left. And this is my fault HOW? Take your peace pipe and your naked granddaughter and get out of my face. This same woman yelled at me in Scouts because we were supposed to meet somewhere at 3:30...she called my house at 3:10 screaming because no one was there. Ummmm, you're 20 minutes early. Calm down. So for all I know she was at the ball field at 5 o'clock and got her panties in a wad and took off.

And jackass at the stoplight going straight when I needed to turn right and you couldn't move up 5 feet to let me do that...shut up.

And lady who cut me off in the school parking lot today...piss off. I hope where you had to be was so much more important than what I'm doing.

I had some actually funny things to say that I thought of last night about a completely different topic. But I can't remember what the topic was. I'm going to have to keep a handy, dandy, notebook on me so I can jot these thoughts down. They were HILARIOUS, and you would have loved them. But for now, let the bitching begin.