Friday, May 19, 2006

What are we going to do today, Brain?

What we do every day, Pinky. Try and take over the world!

TGIF TGIF TGIF

Finally, FRIDAY! I wasn't sure what I was going to bitch about today until Heather came strolling into my office this morning. So here's my rant. CLOTHESMAKERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE! For the love of all that is good and holy. Please. PLEASE talk to one another. The level of frustration I and my fellow females are experiencing in the dressing room is devastating. I am a size 10. I like to think the perfect size 10 except for these overly large fun bags that make me disproportionately top heavy. And I'm tall. But apparently not tall enough to be considered 'tall' by the people who make pants. I am, however, tall enough that when I buy the "average" or "medium" length pants, they SHRINK after the first washing and make me look completely gay. (Not at all a comparison to the overly stylish, completely wonderful gay people who may be reading this blog...I am a fag-hag of the highest order and have nothing but love for ya baby...gay in that 80's 'you're so gay' kind of way.) But if I buy the "tall" or "long" lengths, there is NO shrinkage whatsoever. Someone please explain this phenomenon to me.

And how is it that I'm a size 10 80% of the time, but a size 12 or even *gasp* a 14 other times. Yet I wear a size 8 skirt. aaaaaaaaggghhhhhhh. I can't even trust the same BRAND to fit me the same way anymore. I'm currently sitting in a size 11 Long Levis boot cut stretch fit. They are a little big on me, but whatever...so I see some stretch Levis at the Costco...cute, too...and cheap...YAY! They are on the even numbered system, so I pick up a 10...Long...and I can't even button them. Holy crap...not even close! And the length?? swimmingly long. Like, no way, even in heels long. I just bought a size 10 pair of pants at the Gap that are falling off me by the end of the day, but now I'm a 12/14 in LEVIS??? No. uh-uh...not going to happen. I had my fat phase. It was in college, like everyone else. I refuse to put anything that large in my armoir, no matter what Mr. Strauss says...he can take his 12's and ....

I had this problem at Penney's the other day, too, trying to shop for capris...so depressing. 12's too big, 10's too small...11's non-existent...am I that disproportioned? Can't anyone make clothes that just fit for crap's sake so I don't look like some teeny-bopper? I'm 30-friggin-5 - can't I find pants that look nice and not like I'm trolling for it? Seriously.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I HATE CLOTHING MAKERS!!!! Look at all of the sticks on hangers they have modeling the clothes the average american woman is supposed to wear????? OF COURSE everything looks cute on them......THEY HAVE NO BODIES!!! but to those of us who were blessed w/ some extra junk in all the right places.....??? we get NOTHING! my absolute favorite (kidding) thing about trying on pants for me.....well, b/c i have j-lo booty....trying on a pair of pants that fit beautifully, UNTIL you turn around in the mirror and there is a 3 inch gap between the pants and the small of my back!!!! RIDICULOUS! that isn't even something a BELT can fix b/c the BELT would end up laying on my back b/c the gap of the pants is so incredibly big! TO ALL THE CLOTHING MAKERS OUT THERE.....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UNITE AND MAKE CLOTHES, TRENDY CLOTHES AT THAT, FOR THE AVERAGE, AMERICAN WOMAN THROUGH ALL STAGES OF AGES, PREFERABLY 25-40!!!!! I am NOT wearing hip huggers that show my crack, and i am MUCH too young to wear ANYTHING w/ an elastic waistband. HELP US!!!!!! it truly is amazing ANY of us are even able to look presentable in the morning. Unless of course you were blessed w/ a "perfect" size body of some sort. if you were, i secretely HATE YOU!

Anonymous said...

Amen, girls. And please make fun t-shirts that come just a little past our wastebands. I'm not asking for a tunic here, just a t-shirt that when you put your arms up recklessly to, say, tuck your hair behind your ears or something crazy like that, your entire mid section (with the lovely C-section scars peeking out) is not made available for everyone, whether they want to or not.

Eileen

P.S. the only reason I login as anonymous is that I can't figure out how to login as Eileen.

P.P.S. At the gym this a.m. I lifted weights to Dexy's Midnight Runner - they had an '80s CD playing - totally rocking.

Anonymous said...

Hi Eileen,

when you "choose your identity" after you leave your comment, choose "other" instead of "anonymous" and then type your name. leave "your web page" blank.

Anonymous said...

And I totally FEEL you w/ the t-shirts!!! this morning, while in our lovely office file room i had to put a file on the top shelf while trying to hold my shirt down w/ the other hand. As beautiful of a job that by ob did when i had my son, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THE C-SECTION SCAR!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm trying it out...

Anonymous said...

Tigger - you are too cool for words...what the hell is wrong with me?

Anonymous said...

OMG Tig, no one should have to wear elastic bands pants, NO ONE...IF YOU WERE THEM, BURN THEM unless you are preggers of course. I am with you girls, I LOVE TO SHOP, but I hate having to take 4 different sizes of the same pair of freaking pants just to play "What size are you today Game", which is hosted by Twinkes brand All Grain, All natural sponge cakes. By the time I get done trying on clothes, escpecially this time of year, Heat or Air, I am so sweaty that a size 2 would slip on (yeah right) last time I was a 2 I was in pampers, and my mom was telling everyone I was big boned. Face it girls, this year in clothing either the sisters are out, the belly is out, or the crack poked up to say "HI LOOK AT ME"..out

Rebecca said...

Pea - you are killing me. I just about spewed Diet Coke all over my keyboard. Seriously funny stuff there..."What size are you today Game", which is hosted by Twinkes brand All Grain, All natural sponge cakes. OMG.

And Eileen - YES! It's horrible. Especially with my top heavy self. The sisters lift up these already short shirts to above the waistband levels and it's horrible. It's not just pants, it's everything.

Anonymous said...

I'm only going to say one thing. (I know, it's difficult.) Maybe you should stop buying your clothes from Costco.....

However, I am not a woman, so what the hell would I know...

I love this blog. I just read all the comments and all kinds of thoughts are running through my head....