So Coach Kevin is all loving his new football coaching position...and here's why:
The bane of my existence...the reason my husband must die. I love him, but if he continues to blow that stupid, friggin' whistle all around the house calling "illegal plays" or telling me to drop and give him 10 for talking - I'm going to wrap that cord around his neck and shove that whistle down his throat.
A bit violent?
Hmmmm...thought so...sorry.
The other night I was on the phone with my girlfriend and we were screaming and yelling about the school board meeting (because they're jackasses and our elementary school is once again on academic watch, partially due to our oversized classrooms - ugh) - and Kevin is, and I'm not even making this up, at the top of the stairs, in his underwear, blowing his coach's whistle and calling "illegal motion" on the school board, laughing hysterically. He says it's the single greatest thing he's ever been given as a coach. I'm secretly plotting to bury it in the yard.
Last night he said it was a good practice, "I got to blow my whistle a lot." I asked Owen if Dad was "gratuitously blowing his whistle" and he said "what does that mean??" and I said "Is he blowing it just to blow it?" and after careful consideration, said "Yeah, sometimes I think so."
Brilliant.
All I know is, the day he wakes me up with that damn thing is the day it's all over people. Save up bail money for me and prepare your character witness statements. Because that man is going down.
19 comments:
Rebecca, it's very simple. Just stuff peanut butter in the little bugger - the whistle, not Kevin.
Very hard to clean out!
You are not recognizing the genius that is your husband. What kind of whistle is it? Must be a good one to take all that abuse and keep on keepin' on. Do you know the store he purchased it from? Is it metal or plastic? What about the little ball inside: plastic? wood? Does he have it on a nice lanyard too? I may want one of those.
Scott - why am I not surprised that you completely love the idea of using a whistle around the house?
His whistle is metal, and I have no idea what the little ball inside is - I'll have to look tonight when he gets back from practice. He has it on whatever lanyard it came with - it's black and I think made of nylon. The whistle is shiny and new and should last him for quite some time, even with all the gratuitous blowing.
We have a whistle that can get wet and still work well. It's red and has no ball in it. I guess it's for a lifeguard.
Off to the Yacht....
http://www.yachtparties.com/gallery.html
How's that wet your whistle?
Alright, I must share my own whistle story. My grandmother never and I mean NEVER left her house to do yardwork with out her whistle. In case she was attacked. It would save her. How that was going to happen I can't tell you since they lived 3 miles from town and the nearest neighbor was us. I suppose it had to do with the "Mexicans?" who kept stealing her chickens (another story). When she passed I was bequeathed the whistle. It is fabulous. I use it every year on July 4th to referee the Volleyball game. It hangs on the back of the door in the kitchen just where she used to keep it. I wonder who I will leave it to? I do hope that Kevin doesn't have to turn his in at the end of the season. Just think you can pass it to the Crum generations to come.
I was given a set of huge jingle bells (yes, they are as obnoxious as they sound) when I was on complete bed rest for five weeks when I was pregnant with my daughter. They are SO LOUD and they still drive my husband bonkers today, five years later.
So here's the plan: tell Kevin your PT has done you in for this weekend and they told you to take a vicodin and get in bed for the weekend. "Oh, and honey, I'll need the whistle so I can let you know if I need anything." After this weekend, maybe he'll think twice before he starts on a rampage again.
Eileen that's pure genius. I have a jewelry party at my house on Friday, and my in-laws are coming over Sunday afternoon, so those days are out. I don't think we have football on Saturday morning...so that leaves me all day/night Saturday to employ your evil plan. I did have high hopes of cleaning out a linen closet. Hmmmmm....maybe I'll do that early and say that I "overdid it" and hop into bed for the day! BRILLIANT. Of course, I'll probably have to pry that whistle out of his cold, dead hands.
Come on, let the guy have a little fun. Eventually the splendor that is the whistle will wear off. It is your duty as his loving wife to understand and deal with this. (Even though I am not married.) Kinda like the Karoke thing. It's no secret that Kev Head wasn't too keen on it but he delt with it. Didn't he?
Julie you suck. "Off to the Yacht..."
Boooo Ragan!
Hooray Beer!
Jimmer - I'm not sure what you mean by "the karoke thing" - that one contest at Leroy's a couple of years ago?
I agree boooooo Ragan, hooray beer!
Oh come on, give the guy a gratuitous blow
oh and anonymous, I know who you are.
Pea - I knew someone would pick up on that phrase. Yet another quote for the t-shirts.
Anonymous, I know you too. "It is fabulous" gives the whole thing away.
And the Jimmer is right...the splendor of blowing does wear off...
I think you should all go blow!
Dear Lord, what have I done?
The spleandor of blowing wears off.
Say it aint so, Joe.
What the hell happened to my post?
Neva Mind.
By the way, I don't blow. I get blown.
Hooray BJ's.
Hooray Beer.
Ok, is that too graphic?
What post? I see three from you were there more?
Oh, now there are 4!
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