First ever live AI blog...

For those of you who don't watch AI...suck it...as Dr. Phil says...it's not about you...

I refuse to comment on any of their personal background shit. It's worthless.

Carly - sorry...don't believe the hype. I personally hate this chick. First of all - every time she sings, I feel like I'm being sung AT, not sung to...or sung with...or like she even gives a shit that anyone's in the room or watching from home. I'm not saying she doesn't have a good voice, she does, but she's a completely narcissistic performer, and I just can't get on board. I know she's "the golden child" but...whatever. I feel the exact same way about David Archuleta. He's fake, he's elitist, he'll win a Tony someday, but never a grammy, and I just don't connect with him at all whatsoever. I'm sure I offended everyone on that one, but it's true.

Syesha - I love this girl. Was the song choice fantastic? No - but vocally she's amazing and she could connect singing the phone book. A natural. I love her. Plus she looked amazing. Oh shit, I sound like Paula. If I start blogging about the singers having a light around them, please light me on fire.

Brooke - This is my golden child. No matter who the producers are pimping to us. She is brilliant. Brilliant song choice, brilliant delivery...I just wish she could have been playing piano instead of guitar while singing it. I'm agreeing with Simon every step of the way tonight as usual. What does that say about me?

Ramiele - I do like this girl, and vocally - she could be the best. But she's just not confident enough on the stage. You're singing a disco classic and your feet are CEMENTED to that one spot on stage? Honey I can't even sing that song in my CAR and stay in one spot. Own it. Figure it out.

Kristi Lee Cook - looked hot...Kev-head liked her. Vocals, meh. I mean, she sang most of it in key, and she doesn't suck...but...in the end, if she made a record, you wouldn't buy it. You wouldn't even know it existed. I hate all of the blondes who aren't Brooke. She overused that fake chick rocker stance, too.

Amanda Overmyer - Oh honey...I love you...but this sucked. BAD..completely off pitch. Horrible. Cats raping each other in the alley sound better. And while I completely appreciate your authentic chick rockerdom, buy-bye. You have had your 15 minutes...you are the weakest link...good night.

Alaina - you are fucking kidding me right? Hopelessly Devoted???? I have the same complaint as last week. The 60s greatest decade in music evah with the 70s a close second - and you pick THIS??? First of all - you're never going to come close to the original, not vocally, not emotionally, not sentimentally - so if you're not going to change it up, give it up.

*sidenote - Wrestlemania between Kev-head and Owen going on while I type this. Kevin just tapped out because Owen farted on him. Even with chick singers on the TV, I still need more estrogen in this house.

Alexandrea - You are fucking kidding me, right? Have I said this already? I mean not that it's not a great song, I love Chicago as much as the next guy, but seriously? SERIOUSLY???? Buh-bye honey. If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted to go home, because that was vocal suicide, even with the Anita Baker ending. As Julie would say...redick.

Kady - this sucked ass from note one. Ann Wilson is one of the greatest female vocalists with a fantastic range. If you can't hit the low low to get to the high high - go home. Stick to Britney Spears impersonation...she has no range...do what you know. Kev-head says this is the worst performance of the night. I agree. No stage presence, no vocals...Alaina and Alexandrea should be THRILLED about that...gives them hope. Amanda, I apologize, you are not the weakest link...Kady is.

Asai'h - Love her hair. Bad notes in the slow section. Ouch...low is too low....ummmm, if you can't hit the opening high note? why are you singing this song? OH MY. Pitchy as all get out. That high note was painful. Strong finish, but 3 notes and one run does not a good performance make. What's raging through AI that EVERYONE is sick? Is there any contestant that isn't suffering from some bronchial infection. And P.S....Diva song? DIVA SONG?

Okay, let me lodge my BIGGEST complaint about this show. They never attribute the songs to the original artist. All by myself is NOT a diva song - it was originally performed by a MAN. A MAN. Eric Carmen to be exact, and that's what made it so cool. Just because Celine Dion covered it 30 years later does not make it HER song or a DIVA song. And P.S. the song that Chikezie did last night - it's NOT a Donny Hathaway song. No disrespect to his daughter the backup singer, but that song was originally done and made famous by RAY CHARLES. How about a little shout out for that? They do this all the time. They give the song "Superstar" to Luther Vandross, and I love Luther Vandross, don't get me wrong, but that song was written by Leon Russell (musical, lyrical genius) and made famous by Karen Carpenter....how about some props for the people who are actually responsible for the magic?

And that's not to say that I have a problem with cover tunes, I totally don't. I cover songs, and I cover versions of songs that others have covered...

But a show ABOUT music not properly crediting artists? Peeves me.

It's so hard...to say goodbye...to yesterday...

OMG - So my dear sweet ya-ya, Suzi came into Indianapolis on Saturday and the Kev-head and I drove down for a night of ... well...ya-ya insanity.

The night started innocently enough, beers in the hotel room. Then we moved on to Nicky Blaine's, a cigar bar right off Monument Circle in Indy. GREAT place! Highly recommend it. Low-lighting, cigars, martinis...brilliant! I got a pack of Indian vanilla flavored cigarettes that basically made me look like I was smoking joints all night long. I kept thinking I was going to get escorted out of our various locations.

After that it was off to the Alcatraz Brewing Company. The beers were fine, and Suz and I had fabulous meals. The boys got burgers and were less than satisfied.

My plan was to go to Howl at the Moon after that, but the line was soooooo long and the boys were too whiny to stand in it. I had wanted to get to this place earlier because I knew there would be a line, but because of some work drama I refuse to talk about, my schedule (that Suzi and Brad made fun of me for) was completely thrown out of whack. We tried sending the boys to a pub next door to kill time, but in the end, we left the line and moved on to the Slippery Noodle. I was purposely avoiding this place because it is a blues joint, and my poor hubby has been inundated with the blues lately and I figured he could use a break. But off we went and the juke joint was definitely jumpin. Reverend Raven was jamming away and it was a great time. If you ever get the chance to see him at a venue near you, you should definitely do it! (Carol - they'll be in Pittsburgh on Owen's birthday!)

We did end up at Howl at the Moon - but by this time the evening is a blur! The most unfortunate part of the night is that I left my camera in the hotel room, so the only pics I have of our wonderful evening out are the drunk pics that Suzi demanded I take for the blog. So here we are at 3:30 in the morning, wasted and completely happy. The picture is less than flattering of both of us, but pretty much tells the story of our throwdown in Indy...the bathtub was Kevin's idea...
It was a wonderful reminiscing filled evening. I hope you all have those girlfriends that when you're with them, no matter where you are, it feels like coming home. We've got almost 27 years of history together...and distance doesn't put a dent in the closeness.

So the beer store called, and said that Suzi and I drank all the beer in Indianapolis, and that's exactly the way I felt when Kev-head woke me up on Sunday. Oy. Sometimes things like that must be done! Suz - I love and miss you! We will make it to the lake house SOON!

Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD...

Yeah baby! THANK YOU Boyz II Men. The single greatest night of bowling I ever...EVAH had...and I owe it all to you. Jamming along with you guys on Don't Forget the Lyrics last night must have been just the inspiration I needed because I bowled a 220 in my second game.

A 220 people...SCRATCH...which means it counted as a 282 with my handicap!! I finally, finally got my 500 series with a 512 total. BANK! Yes!!!! My other two games weren't bad...149 and a 143. Nothing to sneeze at...but game two...BAM! I hope you'll all be watching me when I'm on ESPN. Of course it will be ESPN the Ocho...HA!

American Idol news ... Indiana's Amy Davis...gone. Of course she is. The 60's is/was the single greatest decade in musical history and you pick "Where the Boys Are???" How big is the crack pipe, exactly, that you're smoking to pick that musical nightmare? I originally thought this tune was a Patsy Cline tune, but it was actually Connie Francis. Out of all the artists from the 60's...seriously...CONNIE FRANCIS??? Oy. Since I bowl in Lowell and Amy was a Lowell HS graduate, a lot of the peeps at the bowling alley know her, know her family. According to one gal...Amy's dad called her husband and told him that they were given a list of 48 songs. From those 48 each singer got to pick 3 and then the producers picked the song they actually sang. I've always wondered about that. But I gotta tell ya, not having seen the list of 48, no way in HELL that song would have made my top 3, that's for sure. No way. NO.WAY.

On a lighter note, it's the weekend and the Kev-head and I are road-tripping to Indy to see one of my ya-ya's...Suzi! Hooray!! I feel like I haven't seen her in forever.

And for those of you that don't know...in addition to my many, many stupid addictions and fascinations, I can also be a real trial junkie. The Mark Jensen trial has been going on for 6 weeks now and yesterday the jury came back...GUILTY! If you don't know what I'm talking about...it's the Wisconsin case where 10 years ago Julie Jensen died from anti-freeze poisoning. She left a note with a neighbor that basically said 'if I die, my husband did it.' The defense was that JJ killed herself and framed MJ. I gotta say, I thought defense did an excellent job trying to create reasonable doubt. But in the end, Albee's closing argument was weak at best. The prosecution brought it and MJ winds up looking like a total sleeze who killed his wife to be with his mistress. The case had me from day one and now it's done. I think I'm in withdrawal.

For now I'm on iTunes downloading Boyz II Men tracks to try and get rid of my post-trial shakes...oh how I've missed them. (BIIM, not the shakes) Motownphilly back again!

It is his love, it is his passion...

IT IS HER FAULT SHE LIVES IN GOOD OLE' BOY COUNTRY.

For those of you who don't know...I called for the resignation of a school board member. I called for it because he and his wife are divorcing and it is a well known fact that he's living out of our district. He's violating the by-laws and he's breaking the law. And he's a class-A prick to boot.

But...good ole' boy syndrome in effect. The superintendent said today that my point was "moot" because he only rented that apartment "temporarily for work" (ummm...he had to rent an apartment 20 mins from his house for work?) He also said that the move was temporary and that he's back in his house now.

um...kids...who uses their TEMPORARY FUCKING ADDRESS ON THEIR BANKRUPTCY PETITION? How fucking dumb do they think I am?

I'm pissed. I'm super fucking pissed. I haven't been this pissed in a long time. Fuck them. Fuck this school system. I'm done. I'm out. I expected them to find a loop hole...but to outright fucking lie. Where else would this shit happen?

And now they are once again loading the school board ballot with their candidates...awesome. So they will get their $15 million building project approve a new school for 200 kids, one-third of the elementary population, and I can see my property taxes double to pay for it while I have to send my kids to private school because this corporation can't afford to provide a decent education.

And people wonder why the Indiana Commission found that voters feel that they have no power in Indiana.

Can you smeeeeelllllll what the Rock is cookin??

Okay, outdated I know, but my youngest son...Owen...has been infatuated with wrestling lately. It's all he and his friends talk about. The Swanton Bomb, the Twist of Fate, Whisper in the Wind...great novel titles? No. Wrestling moves. Owen can spend hours on the phone talking to his friends about the latest Smackdown or RAW happenings. So we let him have a little party...we ordered the recent 3 hour "No Way Out" pay per view special. $50. FIFTY FRIGGIN' DOLLARS for this thing. The catch - his friends had to help pay. Each friend had to pay $10 to come and watch the wrestling sensation.

So Sunday night while I was duking it out in the bar, Owen had 4 boys over to watch the big show. And lemme tell ya, he picked the right friends. The set up? First Owen brought down his mattresses from his twin beds upstairs and put them on the floor in the basement in front of the TV. Why? Oh sure...so they can stand ON MY HALF WALL and Swanton Bomb each other on the mattresses. They almost went through the TV countless times. Kev-head rightfully put a stop to that...so they moved the mattresses to the bottom of the stairs so they could execute their moves from there. Holy mother....

Walking into this fiasco at the end was hysterical. Not only was my basement a hot mess of farting, eating, cheering testosterone...there was more cheering and screaming than I've ever heard watching any other sporting event. As the wrestlers would prepare for a certain move the boys would all scream it out in excitement and then when it was delivered they would stand and cheer and high-five...oh.my. It was more hilarious watching them than anything else, and well worth the cost of food, lemme tell ya. (Which they annihilated a 12 pack of root beer, 2 boxes of capri suns, a bag of cheese puffs, cheese popcorn and chips within minutes I say...minutes.)

"Judgment Day" is coming to pay per view just before Owen's birthday...I think I know what the next birthday party will be for him.

Save the drama for your mama...

Hey there bloggers...how are you?

Well...I've had a lot happen since last we chatted.

Where to begin? Well Thursday night bowling SUCKED. I mean....SUCKED. My first game was all right but after that...oy. nothing good. Kiki made a fantastic showing...but me...notsomuch.

Friday I got all caught up on laundry and such, which was a GREAT thing. So happy about that. I didn't get to have my Friday night phone date with Juls, though...she was already asleep by the time I had a chance to call. It's just as well. My champion wine opener...well...let's just say I got my money's worth out of it. But it had to be put to sleep, poor thing. It had stopped pulling the corks out of the bottles and started pushing them IN. Hmm. No good. Very sad indeed. The spare we have was not working either, so I was forced to drink BEER on Friday night while laundering my clothes. Not good. I will buy a new one today...don't you sweat it kiddies.

Saturday saw me with a makeover. I had a gig on Saturday night and wanted to actually look like a girl. And since I can't make that happen myself, I had to enlist help. From a 12 year old. Maybe 13, I'm not sure. Yes, it's true...because there was going to be a photographer at the gig who wanted me in "picture ready make-up" - yeah, I don't know how to do that without looking like a clown...so I talking to my friend Ang, who said she would hook me up. But who actually did my make-up? Her DAUGHTER. Oy. Of course she did. Why don't they have classes for this in high school? How-to-be-a-girl 101. I would need 101, 102 and the 200-series of classes to help my sorry ass, but whatever.

Then it was off to have my hair done. Wait til you see the pics! I wish I knew how to do this kind of stuff on my own, but I don't. My guitar player didn't even recognize me when I walked in! HA! Ab fab. The gig was fantastic...total blast. Can't wait to go back there.

Sunday I was dead. Just toast. My dear sweet hubby brought me breakfast in bed (he went and picked up biscuits and gravy from the restaurant up the road and a fountain diet coke...BRILLIANT!) And I slept and slept.

The Sunday Jam featured Shirley King (BB's daughter) and it was so fun. Packed house and I brought Alex out to play. What I didn't bank on was some drunk bitch adding a new chapter to my son's book: "The night I got to see my mom throw a drunk bitch out of the bar." Yeah...I apparently have a new title...bouncer. This idiot was causing all kinds of problems for Ms. King's boyfriend...and at one point walked up and smacked him upside the back of his head. Oh no you di'int! Bitch you better step off...so I jumped up and started telling her to leave and then she got in my face talking about how he pushed her. Ummmm, WHAT? This man sat there all night long not hurting anyone and you're going to tell me he pushed you? No. He didn't.

And then she crossed the line. She dropped the N-bomb. Oh hell no. You are not going to come into MY house and talk about anyone like that. So now I'm physically pushing her and dragging her to the door, and some bigger dudes are coming behind to help. We get her out the door and we're holding it closed...and she's screaming all sorts of pleasantries at me through the glass. Someone hands me her purse, which I crack the door open long enough to throw outside. "I need my cigarettes!" she screams....

Bitch, go buy some more is my answer.

Alex didn't have much to say about the whole thing...he said he had to get out of the way fast because the assaulted man got up right after me and was going after her, too. Luckily he was talked back into his seat, because nothing good was coming from that. Alex was surprised I didn't haul off and hit her. I am, too - but she wasn't worth going to jail for...especially not in front of my kid...

Let's talk about sex baby...

Let's talk about you and me...

Why? Why is my husband a perv? Tonight I'm going to the city to see Wicked with my dear sweet girlfriend Laura. The tickets were our Christmas present to one another. Since there is pending weather, Laura and I packed bags to be on the safe side. It's not worth it to drive home in horrible weather just to sleep at home for 6 hours and get back on the road for work.

When I was saying this to my husband last night - he curled up his face at me. "You might stay in the city?? You just want to have a night in the city with Laura!" and then he paused..."Will you bring your video camera?"

OH PLEASE.

You jackass...just because two women are sleeping in a room together doesn't mean we're doing it for pete's sake. But it's hard to break the years of male love for girl on girl action. It doesn't help that my husband loooooooooves Laura ... in almost an inappropriate way.

Whatever.

We will have fun at the show and we're playing everything else by ear. It will be great. I can't wait.

It's like a heat wave...burnin' in my heart....

Can't keep from cryin'
It's tearin' me apart....

Oh Owen - the Oven - the man...

So the update is this...
Owen goes to school and finds out that Roger called him to tell him his girlfriend was breaking up with him because another boy told him to. WHAT? Why is Roger listening to anyone? Who knows. But this girl didn't want to break up with Owen, and asked him if he would 'go back out with her.' He told her that he can't...

So then all the kids at school were talking about how long Owen would be grounded...he said he had no idea. They went on a bowling field trip yesterday for Accelerated Reading...the ex-girlfriend was there and as Owen put it "was flirting with him the whole time." Huh. So was another girl, who learned that Owen was a free man, so SHE asked him to be her boyfriend. His response? "Heck no." Which ex-girlfriend heard and smiled really big at Owen. Then says to girl #2 "He told you HECK no!" and girl #2 scowls and responds "I heard him." Then they proceeded to argue over who was going to get to sit with Owen on the bus on the way back to school, and Owen told them neither! Luckily he was saved because they had to sit in the same seats they did on the way to the bowling alley, and he sat with a boy on the way down. Phew! Crisis averted.

We told Owen we're not punishing him for having a girlfriend, we're punishing him for sneakiness and breaking a house rule of no girlfriends. His punishment? No video games for a week, and NO wrestling...no Friday night smackdown...and he can't even record it to watch later. Oooooooh. He deflated instantly.

The funny part is, we only said "no video games for a week and no Friday night smackdown." As we were sitting there eating, he said...so the week starts when? Today? Yesterday? "Tomorrow," Kev-head said. "Oh, so that means all the way until next Thursday...so no Monday night RAW, either." Alex just shakes his head. "You idiot...they didn't say ANYTHING about RAW!" Well, we added that to the mix because of the suggestion. HA! Oh, Owie...you have to learn when to keep your trap shut. So now it's no video game, no Smackdown, no RAW.

I think he'll make it through. Wrestling is more important than girls, after all...he won't risk it again.

I'm all outta love, I'm so lost without you...

So in a throwback to a long ago time - Kevin and I don't allow our boys to have "girlfriends." Well - that's not true - Alex could have one NOW, but not in GRADE SCHOOL. It's just silly. Silly and unnecessary. There's enough drama involved in being a kid without dragging the whole boy-girl relationship into it. We told him he could have a girlfriend in the sixth grade...because technically that's middle school age...and Owen had been fine with that...

Please note the past tense...

His friends go through so much drama over girls - moping at sock hops, not going to certain parties, having football jerseys not returned - whodawa? What are we, in high school? You're seriously determining your 10 year old weekend plans based on what your GIRLFRIEND says? NO...HELL no. Do what you want, go where you want, don't mope, don't fight, don't pout and the easiest way to avoid the whole fucking mess? Don't have a girlfriend! See? See how easy it is? We laugh when Owen tells us about how one of his friends was so upset at recess he couldn't play kickball. RIDICULOUS...see Owen...do you ever want to be so frazzled that you can't play kickball? No. Good...don't have a girlfriend.

But nooooooooooooo...Kevin and I know nothing, of course. And I found out through the grapevine, after the fact, that Owen did indeed have a girlfriend in the fall. No wonder he wanted to go to that girl's birthday party. Not that he ordinarily wouldn't. Owen gets invited to all of the girl birthday parties, and always wants to go because "they're my friends and it's their birthday." When I ask him what he'll do if he's the only boy he just shrugs "it'll be fine...I'll be fine. It's only 2 hours." Good kid.

But this particular birthday party in the fall was different. He was worried when the weather was bad that it would be canceled, and then angry because I got him there late...whoops. He and this girl broke up shortly thereafter. Fine.

Owen's been sick the past couple of days. Last night we were hanging out in bed watching Wheel of Fortune when the phone rang. It was Roger calling for Owen. And as my poor, pitiful, sick little man lays in my bed with his head on my shoulder I hear Roger say "Cheyenne is going to break up with you."

WHAT? Stop the presses...WHAT? Break up with you? Well Kevin heard it, too and I think Owen just wanted to die. Why on EARTH do you have a girlfriend after we specifically told you that you should stay away from that hot mess?? BUSTED. B.U.S.T.E.D.

His reasoning was quite clear..."I was afraid she wouldn' t be available next year."

So lemme get this straight. You have a girlfriend now, when you're not supposed to, because you're worried that she might have another boyfriend NEXT YEAR when you're allowed to have a girlfriend. Light me on fire, NOW. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know how to address it. Any ideas? Of course, you guys probably think we're nuts for forbidding the girlfriend in the first place. Lemme assure you - when you're son is wanting to SLOW DANCE at the elementary school sock hop while you watch teenage pregnancy on the upswing...not so nuts. The oversexualization of these kids is astounding, girls wearing pants with words on their asses, and songs that basically tell them not just that they should be screwing each other but HOW TO DO IT.

And people wonder why I drink.

Hooray Giants!!!

Are you kidding me?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Love it. Love it like I would marry it. Love it like I would marry it, spy on it, catch it cheating on me and forgive it.

LOVE IT.

Archie must be a very, very proud papa right now. Two Manning boys with rings two years in a row. Sweet. What's in their DNA?

And if you would have told me midway through the season that an NFC team would win the superbowl, I would have bet money on it and lost. The NFC? Seriously? Did you see the garbage that came out of the NFC this season??

And just to have the Pats go down - if you could see the shit eating grin on my face right now...HEE!

Big Hannah Montana movie with the nieces on Saturday- theatre packed with 295 screaming girls. Oy yoy. More about that later...

Owen is sick, I'm going back home to see what's what. Drama with the school board tonight - I'll let you all know how it goes...