So I got into this very strange discussion with a person here at my office...he doesn't understand how people who work together become friends outside of the office. It's a totally foreign concept to him. But he doesn't really have friends outside of the office that he doesn't work with, either. He's just not that way. I mean, he has some, but not a lot.
This has launched a two-day discussion on friends, and how many I have, and how I communicate with them and how I met them and blah, blah, blah. I mean really in depth. He has decided I have met my 'friend quota.' I told him I haven't even gotten started yet. He simply cannot believe I went on my honeymoon and came back with new friends, who actually came to my house for the weekend. It was fun - I really like them. He can't believe that Julie has made "train friends." I told him I have daily friends, you know, the core group that I must talk to every day...see Julie over there waving...yeah, that's the core group. And then there are weekly friends, the friends I check in with at least once a week if not more. There are monthly friends and quarterly friends...I've talked about this before. Once I find someone I like, I don't like to let go. Maybe I'm sick. It is what it is.
I've been told before that I'm very good at keeping up with my friends, which I think is a good thing. This work person doesn't understand how I have time for anything else. I reminded him that I spend a shitload of time in my car, and therefore have a lot of time for catching up on the phone.
Anyway - this two day conversation about friendship and what constitutes a friendship has me wondering...is it because I'm overly co-dependent that I have and keep this many friends? Most people would say "Oh that Rebecca - she's got so many friends and isn't she fun!" But is it really fun? Or am I just masking my own inadequacies by surrounding myself with people all of the time. "Here - focus on THEM - don't focus on ME and how screwed up I am!" Am I so good about staying in touch because I can't stand the silence or am I truly a dedicated friend? AM I JUST A TOTAL WHACK JOB??
Well, sure...we all know the answer to that. But I've been told several times by several people that they would never have kept in contact with me unless I had kept in contact with them. Is that just a nice way of saying "You didn't really matter that much to me but you hounded me and now here I am at dinner/coffee/birthday party." Am I like a pesky fly that won't go away? That mosquito doing fly-bys on you while you sleep, and you keep swatting and ignoring and it just keeps coming back to suck your blood??? Is that me? Am I like a friend stalker? Or are they truly happy I kept in touch because they're just bad about it. My girlfriend Laura says that all of the time.
I jokingly likened myself to a tick - you have to coat me in nailpolish and suffocate my ass to get rid of me. Or burn me with a match until I pull my head out.
Hmmmmm....
I don't know.
What kind of friend are you? How many people would you consider "in your core group?" Have I truly met my friend quota??
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16 comments:
I just thank the lord that there are people like you out there.
Oh sweetheart, you drank the kool-aid years ago ...
I also told this person when he pondered at my ability to spend time with my friends that I just group them all together and introduce them to one another. I told him I'm like a friend crack dealer. Can't you see me with my long trench coat? "Hey...psssssst...hey you! You like Rebecca? Do you? Well, if you like Rebecca, you might wanna try Julie, too. C'mon. Just give it a try"
It's like Amazon.com - if you like Julie and Rebecca, you might also like Heather and Kathy and Jen!
It just works out easier for me that way.
Many of you don't know this, but Rebecca and I became Best Blogging Friends Forever just through e-mail, but part of the reason is I do believe I'm her evil twin on the West Coast. I am a "connector" and have introduced hundreds of my friends to each other who I think will get along well. In fact, my one friend refers to the six degrees of separation from Eileen. And I can't be stopped. It drives my husband crazy.
One summer when I was doggedly trying to fix up my friend Stan with not 1, not 2, but 3 of my girlfriends, Craig finally sat me down and said, "Let go of the chew toy...it's not working." That's the last time I gave up (I think Stan's thankful, if you must know) but I get back out there and find another chew toy.
I look at it a little differently but there are parallels. I don't just have one group of friends. There are friends and aquaintences. Friends are people I have known for a while but it doesn't really matter how long it's been since we've talked. Aquaintences are the people I haven't known that long but I still like and see from time to time. It's a little different for me being a business man in a small town. Many of my cliets fit into one of those two catagories. There are only a few that don't fit into either one. Obviously my better clients are friends or will become friends and you know the rest. See, I'm more inclined to build relationships as that the business I'm in. I'm a people person.
Rebecca, you are not a tick or the pesky mosquito. You are a networker. You bring people together which is absolutely a great thing. I do the same thing but it's generally on the business side of the coin. One client will say, "I've got a plumbing job that has to be done." I would say, "well, I know a guy that is an excellent plumber who also happens to be a client." If my guy gets the job, it makes me a more valuable asset and we are more likely to grow a friendship out of that.
Am I making any sense here?
As for the guy that you work with tell him that he has no idea how fun work can be when there are four or five of you all hung over at the same time from drinking way too much the day before after 5pm...
Seriously, does he understand that a significant amount of people find their spouses at work?
Damn, I didn't think I typed that much...
Shit, I forgot one comment.
Who ever said that there was a Quota on the number of friends on can have is probably a lonely person.
I love the "friend crack dealer" comment!!! its totally true! Everyone you've introduced me to i totally love as much as you but with way less history of course. it helps that all of the people you surround yourself with have similar personality traits and somehow realize they have 52 things in common or know 52 of the same people somewhere down the line. (secretly i think you have bitten my neck and sucked all of my blood out and now i'm like your vampire vixen and have nowhere else to turn to without biting someone else)
And i agree w/ the jimmer on the whole "quota" of friends thing. but since i COMPLETELY know who you are talking about......NOT SURPRISED
Eileen- BBFF!! You totally are my evil twin to the west, and I have an evil twin to the east as well. I'm so glad to know this is one more thing we have in common. I have dreams of us one day getting together somewhere for drinks and 80's karaoke. God help the audience...they won't know what to do with us!!
Jimmer - You're making total sense. And I always feel the need to use italics back at ya, babe.
If you haven't already - please go back to the "stuff on my cat" post and read Julie's response. Seriously...I almost peed.
ok, the cat comment Julie......crackin up ova hea!!!!
O.k.
1) Quit making the mistake of talking to this person-this person has now real value to give on a conversation regarding friends and will only continue to dredge of negative and do it with a smile
2) Friends are a network of support, emotional, financial, physical-you call on certain people to help with certain things but you keep them ALL close to your heart
3) Alot of my "friends" have forgotten me, ignored me, treated me like shit, but the close core is rock solid and will never fall apart and some I don't talk to for a year (both our faults) so your expert talent in keeping in touch is a GOOD THING for your friends
4) You are a total wack job, but make no mistake in thinking you only focus on your friends to mask yourself, you have done a lot of soul searcher, exposing, and examining since I have met you, AND THANK GOD I DID.
5) See #1 and don't talk to this troll/this person seems to speak a lot about what he/she does not know
I recently received an email from one of my core girls on the subject of friends, it is so true, we have hit every thing on the list and have reacted as a real friend would, not a common friend, check it out, it's true:
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer drawer' with her foot!)
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects! you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you!
HA! The part about shutting the beer drawer with your foot - BRILLIANT. And I do have parents numbers programmed on to my cell phone...that's good stuff right there.
Alright, this blog has jumped the shark. Just this installment.
O.k., so MY friends call me up, leave a voice mail, and now I have to stop chipping branches, put everything away, clean up, and go to the video store, GREAT, THAT is what my friends are for :)
and now I am back from the video store, and they don't have the freaken movie from 1988, so I got wedding crashers.
I started getting the sliced roast beef ready for the fam reunion tommorrow and I deceided WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA TO PUT MY FUCKING FINGER THRU THE SLICER, don't worry kids, I still have half a finger FUCK FUCK FUCK MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
That's it, I am going to start drinking RIGHT NOW
Boo missing part of your finger
Hooray Vodka and Vicoden
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