So this is really funny. My husband wants me to censor myself in my blog. On Friday we had this conversation:
Kev-head: Wow, you are one bitter lady.
Me: I am?
KH: Yeah, I read your blog.
M: But how am I bitter?
KH: Your language...you were like 'fuck this' and 'fuck that'. I'm going to stop telling people to read your blog
M: Are you kidding me???
I counted...there were 4 bombs in that last blog entry. So this is funny for two reasons. One, I've always kind of talked like a truck driver. I mean, I can refrain if I have to/want to...but I love the f-bomb and drop it like it's hot all over the place. I always have, so I'm not sure why this is so surprising to Kevin. Is it surprising to you guys? Two, Saturday morning my husband wakes me up with this conversation:
KH: We're going to breakfast, do you want to come?
M: I don't know
KH: Well, I need to go out and get some fucking rock salt. Our fucking toilets are stained and we've got people coming to look at cleaning the house. I've got to get those stains out before those fucking people come over.
M: Mmmmmmm...yeah...
Not kidding. Couldn't make this shit up. He's hilarious. There were times this weekend when he was dropping f-bombs for no reason, like he was making fun of me...but that conversation? Was ALL him. HA! Fucker. HA! I'm funny.
When I was recounting all of this to Julie on the phone Alex was there and his response? "Yeah, it's no big deal...you always say it." Was that it, Jul? Was that what he said? I can't remember, it was something like that. Kind of eye-opening, like the time Kevin told Alex to go get me a beer from the basement while I was cooking dinner. Alex brought me the beer and set it down saying "Here's your beer, mom, AAAAAAS USUAL." WHAT??? OMG...Kevin laughed and laughed. Julie's still laughing. I'm not even the beer drinker in our house. Not compared to the Kev-head (well, actually, Kevin hardly drinks anymore and when he does he's drinking all of my red wine, the bastard).
Anyway, I guess my kids will have something to tell their therapists later in life. Like I told Julie way back when...I'm not looking to be the best mom, just the most interesting.
Side note: There are people here reading my blog that I had no idea even KNEW about it. WELCOME Mom-Joy...welcome Matt Hatfield! All of you lurkers should post a comment occasionally so I know I'm not talking to myself. (and Kev-head...and Jimmer...I know they read religiously)
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10 comments:
First, I bet people, especially Chris and Kevin, were surprised to hear we were on the phone. We clearly need to talk more on the phone. Hey, it's Nextel, it's free.
Anyways, we were on the phone Saturday morning. I was going to Meg's shower and you were going... I really don't remember where you were going. But I suppose it doesn't matter because you're always driving somewhere. Sometimes I wonder if you just get in the car to drive because that's where you're the most comfortable. That's where you think well. For some folks it's the bathroom, but for you, Rebecca, it's the car.
Anyways, we were on the phone and you were telling me how Kevin thinks you swear too much on the blog. I think the conversation went like this, "Get a load of this mother fucker. Kevin thinks I fucking swear too fucking much on MY fucking BLOG! Hello! Has he met me? I love a good fucking f-bomb every now and fucking then. Jesus! Seriously, he's kidding right?" At which point I hear Alex say ever so frankly, "Well, you do kinda say it a lot."
No, it was Friday, after Alex's guitar lesson. You were on the train, I think.
I didn't leave my house on Saturday except to go to breakfast, and I was sans phone.
And p.s. you're hilarious.
P.S.S. you BOTH are hilarious!
Yes, Rappie, you do drop the F-bomb like its hot, but who am I to judge? And seriously, Kevin, i've heard it out of your mighty mouth once or twice. mmmmm, make that twice. :)
Regardless of the words that come out of your mouth you are a great mom. It is just a word FOR FUCK'S SAKE! :)
And I must share my kid story about the beer. Rap, you've probably already heard this.
Brian asks Austin to grab him a beer out of the cooler last summer. (leftover from a party the weekend before)
Austin gets "bri-bri" a beer and asks "mommy, do you want a beer?". I proceed to tell him "no" and his response, "why, are you sick?"
SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, why is it that kids always remember and repeat these kinds of things?!?!?!?! Thank god he wasn't in preschool yet b/c i'm sure he would have gone to school the next day and said, "my mommy was sick yesterday. she didn't want a beer!" who can DCFS the fastest?!?
P.S.S. no, YOU'RE hilarious tig. OMG. Out of the mouths of babes.
Seriously.
TOO FUNNY Heather! I love the story! I think we all have one. Here's mine...
Last year some time I came home from work and asked Hayden if he wanted to help me make dinner. He jumped up with excitement proclaiming, "Yes!" As we headed into the kitchen he stopped off at our wine rack and grabbed a bottle of red and ran in behind me, "Here Mommy. Here you go!" I couldn't do anything but laugh and say "Oh sweetie, thank you, but I'm not having wine tonight." He looked at me in dismay and shrugged, "Why?"
So here's one even Julie hasn't heard *gasp*...it just happened on Saturday morning.
Kevin and I went to Cyndi's "Rock the Vote" fundraiser on Friday night. We got there around 9, got home around midnight after a late night stop at Taco Bell (yeah baby!) The next morning I have this conversation with Alex:
A: What time did you guys get home last night?
M: Around midnight...why?
A: I tried to call you at 11:30 to see what time I should go to bed.
M: Oh, we were in Demotte didn't have cell reception because we were in the basement. Sorry about that.
A: I just kinda figured when I couldn't get a hold of you that you and Kevin must have passed out wherever you were.
M: WHAT? Passed out?? When have we ever 'passed out'??? Umm, no Alex, we had to drive home.
WHAT???!!! And he's 13 for crap's sake. It's not like he's some little kid. Geez.
Don't our kids know that in order to be the best parents we can be, DRINKING IS A REQUIREMENT!!??!!?? And since when has any "respectable" alcoholic parent EVER passed out to where their kids know about it?
God, where did these kids COME from?!?!?!
WE drink because we have kids!
If one drinks because of thier children then I'm in trouble....Or I'm a hell of a planner.....
HA! Okay, that's funny.
You've always been ahead of the curve...
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