It's not my story, but I'll tell it if I want to...

There are two, actually. Two stories that don't belong to me...two stories that I didn't even witness, but I feel they MUST be shared.

ONE:
Julie and Chris have a new dog, Ruby. Ruby has been referenced in previous blogs, the last of which found me "shaking the biscuits" at 3 am. (Go ahead and sing it, kathy, I know you are). Ruby is a great dog and Chris has been waiting a long time for them to get a dog. Last year he got a leash for his birthday, but no dog. This year they finally found their Ruby.

So H has a t-ball game last night and Chris decides they should take the dog...which is great, except for the fact that he stands out on the field with H, so that leaves Julie with the dog. And the dog loves people and there are kids running around, small toddlers at that - so Ruby really has to be watched. Not that she'll hurt anyone, she just might love someone a little too much...you get what I'm saying. So Julie can't really pay attention to the game because she's paying attention to Ruby. And she expresses this to Chris. So the next time Chris goes out onto the field? He takes Ruby. Yeah, that's right - put that visual in your head. Chris is coaching 3rd base with the dog. The dog is on the field. As if these toddlers don't get distracted enough? Now when they're standing on 3rd base, waiting for someone to hit the ball and bring them home, they're petting the dog. My husband would have had a stroke. Hilarious. The visual of Chris coaching 3rd base holding a leash and a dog is just too much.

Julie and Chris are officially "those dog people" and I love it like I would marry it.

TWO:
Women have vibrators. They just do. Well, a lot of them do. And a girlfriend of mine kept hers in a bedside drawer? Under the bed? I'm not sure where. But one day, her kids found them, didn't know what they were - massagers, maybe? And started playing with them. No, not like that you sickos... her husband came home to find their son sitting on the bed with "big blue." Do you know about big blue? Because blue is famous around here. When she asked how her husband reacted he said "well, first I took it from him and TURNED IT OFF"...that's right, folks. There sat their 10-YEAR-OLD on the bed, happy as a little clam with a vibrating big blue in his hands. Somehow that makes it worse. And apparently, this is after their daughter chased the cat around the house with the silver bullet. Oh my. I can't even imagine.

At least they found out now, before they showed their friends their parents "massagers." Holy Mother, I think I would die.

So hide your power tools ladies or don't let your kids watch TV in your room...